Shattered Pieces
by apathyempathy
Summary: Santana never meant for things to get so out of control but Quinn Fabray has always had a way of getting under her skin. Initially dub-con Quintana, later chapters will be PezBerry. CONTENT WARNING: deals with issues of dub-con and self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – This fic contains some really dark content and is definitely the most angst-ridding thing I have ever written. Not so sure where it all came from, I basically wanted to play around with the power-control issues surrounding Quinn and Santana's downward spiral, then this came along. The first few parts will be Quintana based but PezBerry is endgame.**

**Please forgive me for any issues with tenses, I don't normally write in present tense I literally started writing and this is how it turned out. Any constructive criticism is welcome. The whole story is written and ready to go so expect pretty frequent updates.**

**In terms of time-line; set post-Sexy however there is no Samtana (shudder) and Kurt is back at McKinley. **

**WARNING: Story deals with issues of rape, dub-con, abuse and mentions of self-harm in later chapters.**

**Chapter One**

Santana sighs as she slams her locker room shut, the sound of the metal echoing angrily around her. Today has not been a good day. First, Brittany blows her off to hang out with Artie then Puck ignores her offer to go back to his in favour of helping Rachel with some glee assignment and then to top it all off Coach Sylvester is adamant that Quinn and the Latina stay behind after everyone has left to try and find a way to involve three confetti cannons in one four-minute routine. It has pretty much been a wasted afternoon all-round and the only thing Santana wants to do is shower and get home as quickly as possible so she can wallow in her self-pity with a mountain of chocolate.

Ridding herself of her trademark uniform the Latina grabs her towel and wraps it around her body, she has never been shy about her body and the sound of someone coughing behind her is the first time she even considers that she isn't alone. It doesn't bother her though, having spent so much time as a cheerleader it is second nature to be in the locker room in nothing but a towel.

Turning around Santana can't contain the look of displeasure that passes over her features as she sees Quinn parade up to her. The blonde has been more than her usual bitchy-self lately and Santana is really not in the mood to deal with one of the blondes rants. It seems as though Quinn has been going out of her way to make up for her absence from the squad last year by being twice the bitch she had ever been. She had stolen the position of head cheerleader back, and the respect of the squad with it, Brittany seemed to be glued to the other blonde's side as well. And every time Quinn and Santana crossed paths the blonde had some snide remark to make, these were increasingly personal to the point that the Latina was worried Quinn had somehow manipulated Brittany into divulging some of her secrets.

"What do you want Fabray?" Santana barks wearily as she eyes the blonde opposite her, trying to figure out exactly what the head cheerleader is planning this time.

Clad only in a towel Quinn smirks "Try and keep your eyes on my face Lopez"

Santana glares in the blonde's direction, before spinning on her heel and marching past the other girl. She doesn't make it far when she feels Quinn reach out and grab her upper arm stopping her in her tracks.

"What the fuck?"

Santana doesn't register the look of anger that flashes across the blondes face but she does feel the jolt of pain that flashes through her body as she is thrown against the wall. Blinking in shock the brunette finds her mind blank as she watches Quinn approach her. Sure they have fought before but something about the way the other girl is looking at her makes Santana recoil.

"I see the way you look at me" Quinn drawls as she gets closer, like an animal stalking her prey "You think it's discreet, all the looks and glances when I'm trying to change? Because it's not"

Santana shakes her head but finds her argument cut off when Quinn unwraps the towel she has around her and lets it drop to the floor. The Latina tries to avert her gaze but as she is pinned against the wall it is hard to ignore the blonde who is now pushing up against her.

"Quinn, I don't-"

Santana is cut off abruptly when Quinn slams their lips together, the aggression causing the brunettes head to ricochet off the tiles. She knows she should stop it, but everything happens so fast Santana doesn't have any time to think and soon finds herself kissing the blonde back. It isn't until she feels Quinn's skin pressing against her own that she realises the blonde has ripped her towel away too. Santana relishes the contact, it has been too long since anyone has hugged her or held her hand, let along gone this far.

As Quinn's hands wander over her figure Santana suddenly comes to her senses, and even as her body is replying to the blondes touch she manages to wrestle their lips apart "Quinn, wait…what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm doing what you want. I see how you look at me"

Santana frowns as Quinn pushes up against her, harder this time, grinding her back into the wall and causing the Latina to let out a grunt of pain. This only seems to urge the blonde on and Santana feels her breath catch in her chest as a hand forces its way between their bodies and reaches down.

"Quinn, stop…" Santana gasps, trying to focus on reason but quickly distracted by the way the blondes hand seems to snake between her thighs and cup her core.

The blonde does pause slightly but only to pull back and smirk, "You want this"

Santana wants to shake her head, gasping as she feels Quinn run a finger through her folds "No, we shouldn't…"

Quinn laughs as she adds a second finger and begins toying with the other girls clit "Then why are you so wet?"

The Latina opens her mouth to reply but her brain is halted by her body's betrayal. She can feel her heart hammering in her chest as Quinn continues her teasing.

"Exactly" Quinn grunts as she bends down to take one of Santana's nipples in her mouth, enjoying the yelp of pain that comes as she bites down.

Santana bucks under the weight of the blonde, she can feel her breath quickening as Quinn seems to seek out her weak points and urge her body to obey. She whimpers as the blonde moves up her body and latches onto her neck, her mouth close to the brunette's ear she chuckles "I knew it was true"

"What?"

"You're a fucking dyke" Quinn barks angrily as her fingers stop their teasing and move lower, hovering above the Latina's entrance. She doesn't have time to recover from the shock before the blonde pushes her way inside, a cry coming from the girl beneath her "Shut up"

Santana shakes as the blonde works her fingers in and out, setting a punishing rhythm, she tries to say something but her words are lost among the grunts and groans as Quinn curls her fingers finding the brunettes sweet spot.

"You like that don't you" the blonde mutters as she adds a third finger, stretching the other cheerleader who gasps.

Staying silent Santana closes her eyes, trying to ignore the way Quinn has her pinned painfully against the wall as she manipulates her. She knows it's wrong, but her body follows along as though she has no control of her own, with every thrust her hips buck, her clit desperate for friction and her body desperate for release.

She can feel her orgasm beginning to build and it seems Quinn can too as the blonde bites hard on the Latina's shoulder her teeth digging deep and drawing blood. Santana yelps in pain only to feel the swift slap of Quinn's hand as she pulls back. As her head snaps to the left the brunette sobs, the pressure inside building more as Quinn pushes her thumb hard against her clit.

The murmur of words recited under Quinn's breath becomes louder the closer Santana rushes to edge, a stream of insults running together getting louder with each thrust. Words like whore, fag, freak surrounded the Latina and she battles to stay in control of her body.

But it is little use as she feels a familiar sensation building in her stomach, running to the tips of her toes as her body twitches and clenches, with a few more thrusts Santana comes hard, a strangled cry ripped from her throat as the blonde continues to push working every drop of the orgasm from her. The Latina feels her face burn with shame as the blonde withdraws her hands, a rush of wetness flooding her thighs.

Quinn pushes herself off the brunette a sneer on her face as she eyes up the Latina's flushed body, Santana keeps her eyes fixed in the distance hoping if she remains quiet then the blonde will take her victory and leave. But it is not to be.

Instead Santana feels the back of Quinn's hand strike her again "Look at me"

Santana turns her face, unable to meet Quinn's eyes she focuses on her mouth praying the cheerleader will finish her game quickly.

"Get on your knees" Quinn barks as she reaches out and grabs the Latina's hair, pushing down and forcing her to the floor.

Santana can feel the tears stinging her eyes as she kneels on the cold floor, her face forced between Quinn's legs. The blonde doesn't say anything else, instead she digs her nails into Santana's scalp, scratching and clawing as she makes it clear what she wants. Even as the pain sears across her head Santana stays quiet, leaning forward she runs her tongue along Quinn's slit shivering when she feels the other girl groan above her.

Quinn jerks as Santana pushes her tongue inside, settling quickly on her clit determined to get her off as quickly as possible. Gaining a rhythm the Latina knows it wouldn't be long before the blonde comes, and hearing the cheerleader demand the use of fingers Santana obeys and slides two digits inside of her friend. She is gentle with her thrusts, not wanting to anger the other girl as she licks and sucks until Quinn begins to clench around her fingers. It isn't much longer before she feels the blonde tremble, her inner walls convulsing around Santana's fingers as she comes hard. Santana continues until she feels the girl relax, her body spent she pushes the Latina away causing her to fall back onto the floor splayed beneath the blonde.

Risking a look up Santana sees the blonde clench her jaw, anger flashes across her features as she stares down. She sees the first kick coming but is too slow to stop it, the cold of the floor seeping into her body and weakening her. Quinn rains down kicks and punches, a blur of hatred and disgust as she batters the Latina's frame.

It is over in minutes but Santana stays down, her body trembling as Quinn bends down to look at her curling into a ball.

"Santana" the blonde whispers, reaching out to tuck her dark hair behind her ear.

"Please, stop" the Latina sobs, flinching when the blonde yanks her hand back.

She watches for the next blow but it never comes, instead she hears the sound of footsteps padding away against the tile as the blonde leaves the Latina to pick herself up and scramble home.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – Thank you so much for all the reviews and alerts guys. I was unsure about posting this as it's seriously dark and graphic, but I've been working on it for a long time and it's good to get a reaction to it which so far seems pretty positive : )**

**The next few chapters are on the short side, mostly as it's quite hard to write scenes like this, but PezBerry is coming! **

**Chapter Two**

Santana sits stock still in her chair, the sounds of the normal glee rehearsal echoing around her as she stares into the distance. Mr Shue has left them to put together a new routine while he leaves early, and the Latina has been counting down the seconds till she can finally leave the room she has been trapped in with Quinn Fabray for the last hour.

The blonde hadn't so much as looked her way the entire day and Santana has spent her day avoiding the other girl at all costs. No one has said much about her behaviour today, a few ask about the bruises but she brushes them off with some poor lies. Not that it matters; she has no friends to worry about her. It should have meant more that she, Santana Lopez, has turned up at school in trousers and a long sleeved cheerio uniform rather than her normal short skirt, with bruises evident on her face. But it doesn't.

During glee most of the others have kept their distance, happy the Latina is quiet and distant and not bothering them. She supposes they like the change.

The sound of Quinn's distinctive laugher cuts through the room shaking Santana from her thoughts as she realises she has drifted off and that glee has come to an end. She has spent the whole practice watching the clock but now as she looks up she sees she is alone in the choir room. With Quinn. Her body jerks in nervous anticipation as she watches the head cheerleader smirk.

"Waiting for someone?" the blonde queries as she saunters over to the chairs where the brunette is sat.

Santana shakes her head as she stands up; she grimaces as the blonde puts her hand on her shoulder stopping her from leaving "Good"

If Santana had any luck convincing herself that yesterday had been a twisted part of her imagination then all reasoning flew from her mind as much like the day before Quinn slams their lips together but this time rather than slamming her against the wall Santana finds herself being lowered to the floor. The blonde quickly pins her down and with her arms locked above her head in a tight grip the blonde uses her other hand to roam under the Latina's shirt.

She should say something, she should fight but she knows it's pointless. Her body is already responding, her nipples hardening under the touch even as she prays for them not to. Santana bites back this time, making sure to be quiet, not wanting to risk angering the blonde as her hand slips down and inside her uniform. Santana grunts as the now familiar feel of Quinn's hand against her crotch invades her senses, all she can think is that this is the closest she's come to any form of contact in weeks. Brittany is gone; either glued to Artie or Quinn and Puck is the same, pretending to be into Lauren whilst pining over the blonde he cheated on her with, still she wishes it didn't hurt as much.

Quinn is muttering under her breath again, and Santana tries not to hear the insults as the blondes hand slides inside her underwear and begins a familiar pattern. Santana feels her legs part for the blonde and holds back a defeated sob as the cheerleader laughs. She hates the way her body bends to the blonde, she hates that her touch can do the things it does when she knows it's wrong.

There's no foreplay this time as Quinn plunges into her with two fingers, growling in satisfaction as the brunette cries out. If yesterday had been demanding today Santana struggles to keep up as Quinn mercilessly brings her body to the edge, enjoying the power she has over the taller girl. It builds faster this time and stronger too, and then Quinn is no longer muttering veiling insults she's talking and Santana wishes she would stop.

"You little bitch; you're worthless do you hear me?"

Santana nods, tears seeping from the corner of her eyes as she tries to keep Quinn happy, because even though she wants it to stop at the same time she doesn't because if Quinn leaves then she's alone again.

Quinn stops her thrust as she glares down "Say it"

"I'm worthless" Santana whispers, her voice breaking as Quinn resumes her frantic pace.

It's not long before her body bucks under Quinn, her orgasm ripping through her. The blonde doesn't stop this time but seeks more her thrusts harder and deeper as she stokes her clit. Santana cries out as she feels a second orgasm, followed by a third and she cries out as she cums hard a rush of wetness flowing as Quinn takes her.

The hand in her stills then pulls out quickly as the blonde flies off the brunette, for a second Santana is confused and then she realises. She didn't just cry out. She screamed, she screamed Quinn's name.

The kicks are harder this time and Santana actually tries to get away because this time it hurts much more, but she can't seem to get up and when the kicks do finally stop and she manages to drag herself away she feels the weight of something cold and heavy bounce off her and she realises Quinn threw a chair, and then another. It hits hard, bouncing off her frame as the legs rip her skin.

Quinn's on top of her again now, her fists raining down as she litters each punch with a word "Don't. Ever. Say. My. Fucking. Name"

She's never seen Quinn so angry and she apologises through her sobs, she offers to do anything to apologise and that seems to calm the blonde. It's only when she is on her knees again for the second time, a hand somehow wrapped dangerously around her throat that Santana knows she is Quinn's for the taking.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – Huge thanks for all the reviews guys, it really makes my day reading them. I know this fic is very dark and angst-ridden so it means a lot to get feedback. A special thank-you to for probably the best review I've ever received!**

**Anyways on with chapter three…chapter four will be up over the week, with the first appearance of Rachel.**

**Chapter Three**

Santana sighs as she looks in the mirror, clad only in a pair of shorts and a white tank she observes her battered body. Her face is remarkably clear, Quinn quickly realising that any obvious damage to the Latina's face drew some, if little, concern. But the rest of her is covered in cuts and bruises, some weeks old but others more recent. The multi-colour spectrum telling a story of the twisted routine the two now share.

It started off at school, after cheerios or glee the blonde would find some way to keep Santana behind. The Latina quickly learnt her part in the relationship, staying quiet and submissive meant the blonde was gentle and the brunette could almost pretend what they had meant something. But other times if Quinn had a bad day, or Santana had done something to annoy the other girl then the touches were more painful and the beatings worse.

Recently however Quinn had taken to turning up at Santana's house, sometimes she would follow her home from school other times she would turn up early in the evening or later at night. Santana figured Quinn knew there was less chance of getting caught this way. It was hard to predict when she would turn up, though she always did so when she knew the two would be alone. Santana's parents were busy, too busy to notice anything was wrong, so the blonde had a lot of opportunities. At first Santana tried to pretend she wasn't home, but that only made Quinn angrier and so she learnt the next part of her duty to the blonde.

The sound of someone coming up the stairs draws the brunettes attention and listening carefully she knows it's Quinn, although she laughs bitterly thinking it is unlikely to be anyone else. Quinn is the only one she ever sees nowadays.

"What are you doing?" Quinn says lazily as she strolls into the room, stripping off her uniform until she is standing naked behind the Latina looking into the mirror with her.

"Nothing" Santana replies, her eyes automatically drifting from her reflection to the floor.

Quinn seems to contemplate something and for a moment the Latina swears she sees something like approval or admiration pass over the blondes face but it's gone quicker than it arrived and Santana waits, she can hear the anger in the blondes voice and sense the tension she is carrying in her walk and she knows, she just knows that tonight is going to be a bad night.

"Look at you" the blonde spits finally as she reaches the grab the Latina's chin to make her look back at her image "You're disgusting, you're a mess"

Santana nods, her eyes roaming over her arms and legs "I'm sorry"

It's all she can think of but it seems to satisfy the blonde who turns and drags the other girl by her wrist over to the bed. She feels herself being thrown down roughly on the double bed and soon Quinn is hovering over her, the scent of her arousal hanging heavily in the room.

The blonde stares at her for a moment, her body dangerously close as she inspects the taller girl "I don't want to fucking look at you"

Santana nods even though she doesn't understand; she suspects she'll be made to pay for making Quinn even contemplate affection towards her.

The blonde growls as she pulls back and repositions herself so she is straddling the other girls face, her hands grip the headboard tightly as she lowers her centre down to Santana's mouth. She doesn't question this new position, simply obeys the blondes request.

It's not long before Santana hears the other girl begin to moan, her hips moving against the fingers Santana has worked inside as her tongue dances across her clit. She is well-trained now; she knows every inch of Quinn's body and just how she likes to be touched. She is careful though, she knows her place is always on the bottom and that no matter what Quinn is the one in control. If she says go she goes if she says stop she stops.

"Fuck" the blonde screams as Santana hits a particularly sensitive spot.

A few seconds later and Quinn is grunting and groaning over her, Santana can make out the muttered names pouring from the other girl's mouth. Most of the time it's Puck or Finn, sometimes if the blonde is feeling crueller than usual she'll chanted Brittany's name as she orgasms, as if to remind Santana of the girl she lost.

But tonight something different happens, as the blonde reaches her peak, her hips bucking wildly as she comes hard on the Latina's talented mouth, she screams a different name the sound echoing around the room as the brunette tries to ignore it "Santana"

As soon as the name is ripped from her throat the blonde is hurling herself off the bed, her eyes wild with shock and anger. Santana moves quickly too, throwing herself to the other side of the room she burrows against the wall, babbling incoherently "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

It's never happened before but Santana knows it's bad. In the seconds before Quinn comes storming over to her she allows herself to hope that it won't be, and that Quinn screaming her name will change something because she acknowledged her for the first time. But she knows it's unlikely, the only thing Quinn screaming her name means is that the blonde has made herself aware of exactly what is happening. And she doesn't like it. She doesn't like to be reminded of who they are, because they both know they are immensely fucked up.

"Get over here" Quinn demands, her voice calm and icy when she stops a few feet short of the other girl "Now"

Santana silently obeys, moving to stand in front of the blonde she sees the baseball bat Quinn has gripped tightly in her hand and the Latina swears she took that out of her room and hid it after Quinn's first surprise visit.

Raising the bat so it's resting under the Latina's chin she forces Santana to look at her, she slowly drags the bat down her body then, curving around the contours of her breast eventually reaching down to linger between her legs. Santana feels her chest heave as her mind whirls at the horrible possibilities; she looks at Quinn who only smirks letting the Latina know she can read her like a book.

They stay still for a moment, a stand-off, before the blonde moves quickly pulling the bat back with two hands and barrelling the end into Santana's stomach causing her to drop to the floor in agony, her breath knock clean from her lungs.

Lying face down on the carpet the Latina can only flinch as the blows rain down on her, the bat eventually replaced by the more standard fists and feet. Her body has numbed to most of the beatings now, and she waits for the blonde to tire. When the hits stop abruptly she breathes a sigh of relief.

"Get up"

It's one command Santana can't follow as she struggles to move freely, she barely manages to sit up before the blonde is dragging her over to the bed.

Lying on her back in the comfort of her own bed Santana feels the weight of the mattress shift as Quinn sits next to her. She looks at the blonde who leans over and tucks a stray piece of hair behind the Latina's ear almost softly as she gazes down at the darker girl.

Santana swallows hard, her voice coming out cracked as she whispers "I'm sorry"

Quinn nods "I know. You just make me so angry sometimes"

The two are silent for a moment and Santana allows herself to relax. She knows that for the time being Quinn is finished and as the blonde lies down next to her Santana holds back the grunt of pain that desperately seeks to escape her as her body protests against the movement, instead she tries to take comfort from the warmth of the body next to her as she feels her eyes drifting shut.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – Hey guys. Thanks again for all the comments…This story will be made up of quick updates, but probably not exceptionally long ones. I want to keep the intensity high and I think it works best this way. **

**Kat – It was indeed you I was thanking before and now again, for leaving amazing reviews! I know the subject area is pretty…dark, so I really appreciate your in-depth responses. **

**Griffnix – My aim for this story is not for any kind of torture porn so don't worry! **** What I wanted to do was build up the relationship between Santana and Quinn in the first few chapters to hopefully get across how complex it is, and in theory get a more layered view into what Santana is thinking. So in this sense I guess the plot development was a lot more about how Santana is feeling than events, but the end this chapter sees the introduction of Rachel so the story will start to move along. I toyed with the idea of how many chapters I was going to wait until I shook things up, and actually your guess/suggestion of by chapter 5 was bang on the mark :D**

**Chapter Four**

After that night Santana takes a day off school, she calls in and makes up an excuse about flu or a stomach bug. No one questions her. She can only take a day though; her Dad calls and tells her he'll be working from home for the next week so Santana sets about working out the best way to hide herself at school.

It's become second nature now to wear her long white sleeved cheerio top and sweats, even though she is able to do little at practice anymore and hasn't cheered at a game or competition in months. She's too busy hiding her secret and urging cuts and bruises to heal quicker. But she makes up a few flaky excuses and people leave her alone, even Coach Sylvester isn't bothered now she has Quinn to focus her attention on again.

Her first day back at school goes well, the damaged not covered by her clothes is partially hidden by make-up and a few lies. She's getting good at it now and if she stops to think about how good it scares her slightly. She does wish though that Quinn would have tried to stay in control a little more the other night, it was much easier to pretend when her face wasn't sporting a huge black eye.

At glee, Santana is quiet. It's common now for her to stay silent she doesn't have much to sing or cheer about anymore, and with no friends to turn to it doesn't seem to matter that she's no longer the same person she was. Instead of loud and confrontational, she is meek and jumpy. The rest of the school assume she's planning something and stay clear.

She knows some of the glee club have noticed the marks but after a particularly nasty argument with Kurt the others decide to not to mention it again. Quinn rewards her that night and for a day Santana lets herself be happy.

Practice is over now and Santana watches the others filter out of the room without a second glance; she stays seated while she waits for Quinn. The blonde turns and after locking the doors she makes her way over to the Latina. Taking a seat next to her she runs a finger over the other girl's black eye with a frown "You didn't do a very good job, you should be more careful"

Santana bows her head as Quinn moves from her seat and beckons her to follow. The brunette finds herself backed up against the wall as Quinn initiates a deep kiss, her hands running over the Latina's body eliciting gasps of pain and pleasure.

Tangling a hand through dark locks Quinn pulls back "You're mine"

Santana signals her agreement but stays silent.

"No one else would want you" the blonde carries on as she latches onto the other girl's neck, repeating quietly "No one wants you"

The Latina closes her eyes as she feels tears threatening to spill, she knows Quinn hates it when she cries and besides it's not the first time the blonde has reminded her of this fact. It's true; she should be used to hearing it by now. Quinn bites down hard on the other girl's neck and Santana gasps in pain, but tries to focus on the jolt of pleasure that it sends coursing through her.

What she has with Quinn is twisted and she knows it but she also knows that it's more than she deserves. Quinn has told her as much. Santana knows she's not a nice person and that at least with the blonde she gets to feel something. So she's doesn't fight back when the blonde reaches down to pull off her sweatpants and underwear, she doesn't shout or protest.

When Quinn pulls away and orders her to close her eyes Santana looks at her in confusion before agreeing. Her heart is hammering in her chest as she listens to the blonde rustling around.

"Open your eyes"

Santana does and is surprised to feel Quinn's body immediately pressed up against her, naked and sweating. The blonde resumes the attention she was giving Santana's neck and that's when she feels it. Looking down the Latina feels her throat tighten as she sees what Quinn has planned.

She doesn't say the blonde's name, she knows better than that but she does raise her voice timidly "What…what are you…"

Quinn grins in response "Don't talk"

Santana feels her body begin to shake as Quinn drags her by the wrist over to the piano, turning so the Latina is stood in front of her Quinn reaches around to run a hand teasingly over the other girl's pussy "Bend over"

For the first time in months Santana doesn't, instead she lets out a small sob. She knows it would be easier, less painful if she just did as Quinn asked but she's frightened.

"I said, bend over" the blonde repeats, her voice angrier this time as she places a hand on the Latina's back and pushes her forwards.

Not expecting the gesture Santana stumbles, failing against the pianoand presenting herself to the other girl she cries out. Her words are lost as panic takes over. This is different, before she knew what to expect, what to do. Quinn has never used toys before and neither has she.

"What did you say?"

Santana feels herself tremble "I've never…I haven't…please"

"You haven't what?" Quinn drawls as she moves to take her position behind Santana, the tip of the dildo sliding the length of Santana's slit.

"Not from behind and not…with that" Santana manages to whisper.

"You expect me to believe you?" Quinn barks, pushing the tip inside of the other girl "Everyone knows you're a slut. Don't fucking lie to me"

The blonde doesn't wait for any more argument, instead she pushes inside a loud groan escaping her as she feels the dildo press against her own clit "Fuck, you're so tight" the blonde growls.

Santana feels her stomach clench at the words, her mind racing as Quinn begins to thrust in and out. The only thing Santana can focus on is the pain, she's not a virgin by any means but she wasn't lying before "Please, stop"

It's the first time Santana has begged the other girl to stop since their first time together in the locker room. It didn't work then and as the blonde picks up the pace Santana knows it isn't going to work now so she stops. The pain subsides a bit when Quinn reaches round and rubs a hand against her clit and the brunette is grateful for the attention.

They move together, Quinn's thrust coming harder and faster as she seeks her own release. Santana grunts as the other girl slams her relentlessly against the piano, a hand raking down her back its nails digging in deep and drawing blood as the blonde reaches her climax.

She screams as she comes, something about Santana being a whore but the Latina has learnt to block it out as she feels her own orgasm approach. The shudder together and then Quinn pulls out quickly and spins the Latina around so they are face to face.

"On your knees"

Santana frowns, she's still trying to catch her breath as the back of Quinn's hand connects with her lip, breaking it open and sending blood pouring down her face. She does as she is told after that, her eyes level with the contraption as she waits for further instructions.

"Suck it"

Santana snaps her eyes up to look at Quinn. This isn't about sex anymore she realises when she feels Quinn grab her roughly by the hair and forced the dildo in her mouth. She knew she should have stayed quiet; it was stupid to think Quinn wouldn't punish her.

Quinn watches her for moment and when she is satisfied she has humiliated the other girl enough she grabs the Latina and brings her back to her feet, her face stern as she glares at the brunette who in turn stares at the floor.

The blonde slaps her hard but Santana makes no sound, she stays motionless as Quinn walks away and beings to redress. When she reappears back in front of the Latina she runs a hand slowly up her thigh, crossing her pussy and up her chest, raking her nails over each nipple before resting her palm against the Latina's cheek. Santana know it's a test to see if she'll run. But she doesn't, she stays were she is, enjoying the feel of the soft skin on her cheek before it all turns horrible again.

She waits for the first punch and it comes quickly, catching her already battered eye and tearing the skin open. Santana stands for as long as she can but soon falls to the floor, trying to curl herself away from the downpour. Feeling a kick connect with her ribs Santana can only cry out as she feels it break under foot. It's not the first time Quinn has been so violent but the Latina can only whimper as it continues. A foot stamps down on her hand and Santana feels another bone break.

The blonde seems to tire less quickly and it's a while until the blows stop, when they do Santana remains still as she listens to the blonde grab her things and leave. She knows she should get up but it hurts, and the thought of getting caught half-naked and bloodied is the only thing that propels the Latina to her feet.

She struggles to pull on her clothes, everything aches and all she wants to do is lie down but somehow she manages to grab her things together and leave the choir room.

The school is deserted and Santana wonders how long she was in there. It's a fleeting though as she pushes through the main doors and heads to the car park, her broken hand cradling her broken rib as she ignores the throbbing between her legs.

She makes it to her car, and she's so close to freedom when she hears her name being shouted.

"Santana?"

She doesn't turn around at first when she hears Rachel's quiet voice coming up behind her but as the girls footsteps sound closer the Latina whirls around not wanting to be caught off-guard.

"Oh my god" Rachel breaths as she takes in the sight in front of her "What happened?"

Santana's lies crumble as she falls to the ground, the strength that remained in her body draining as the smaller girl rushes to cushion her fall. Santana hits the ground slowly, grateful for the aid but flinching away at the touch.

Rachel pulls her hands away "Stay here"

Santana would have laughed at the ridiculous request if she had the energy instead she nods and watches as the diva disappears off.

A car pulls up alongside quickly after and Rachel steps out "Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital"

"No. No fucking way" Santana chokes out as she is pulled to her feet by fear alone.

"You need a doctor"

The Latina shakes her head, wincing at the gesture "No"

The diva lets out a grunt of frustration but seems to accept the fact. Stepping forward she opens the door of her car and makes a gesture for the taller brunette to get it "Fine, then I'm taking you to my house"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – Sorry for the short delay, I had some extra things I wanted to cover in this chapter about Santana's family. I'm not entirely happy with it but I think it works and will play into later chapters. As always reviews are more than welcome!**

**Chapter Five**

The drive to the Berry residence is nothing short of awkward and Santana spends most of the time half-expecting the smaller girl to simply drive her home or try and dump her at Brittany's. For a terrifying moment she wonders if the diva would take her to Quinn but instead she finds herself being ushered upstairs and into the diva's bathroom. It takes all of her effort to stay upright but she refuses to accept Rachel's attempts to support her.

Santana shivers as she sits on the edge of the bath tub and watches the singer scurry around collecting various things, she isn't really too focused on what is happening though, all she can think is that if Quinn knew where she was then she would go crazy. When Rachel approaches her Santana is so consumed with her thoughts that she doesn't notice and when the singer reaches out and gingerly touches her arm the cheerleader jolts from her trance, her body trembling with pain.

"I'm sorry" Rachel says quietly as she sinks to the floor in front of the cheerleader "I need to try and fix you up okay? I'll be as gentle as I can"

Santana nods, frowning at the foreign sounded words and the way Rachel carefully sets about fixing her hand. The cheerleader manages to ignore the pain, trying to distance her mind from her body she allows Rachel to clean her up.

When Rachel asks her to lift off her top, she can hear the apprehension in her voice but Santana no longer cares. She allows Rachel to help her out of her cheerio shirt, looking away when she hears the singer gasp. She's a mess and she doesn't need the other girl's reaction to figure out how bad it must look.

The pain in her ribs subsides a bit after Rachel wraps them in a tight bandage, and after taking a few painkillers the singer offers Santana can feel her brain tiring as exhaustion takes over. But she knows there is one more task to complete.

Rachel is stood nervously; she doesn't say anything but hands Santana a clean pair of sweats. The cheerleader takes a deep breath before standing shakily and quickly removing the rest of her uniform. Looking down she can see the scrapes littering her once smooth legs and sitting back down she lets Rachel set about bandaging up the worse of the damage. She can feel her body tense as Rachel's hand's move up from her ankles and past her knees. The diva notices too and hesitates as her fingers dance over a particularly nasty looking bruise.

The contrast of the singer's gentle touch against the marring of her skin makes Santana's chest ache, she can see the smaller girl looking at the ugly marks running to the top of her thighs and can see the girl putting two and two together. Santana wants to say something, anything, to convince her it isn't as bad as it looks. That she wasn't exactly a victim, but nothing comes.

Instead she finds her body flinching as the singer's hands move over her battered legs.

"Sorry" Rachel says again as she pulls her hands away, "I…Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor? I think I did okay but there could be some damage that…"

Rachel trails off awkwardly as she gestures vaguely towards Santana's pelvis, the cheerleader flushing red when she realises what the singer is implying.

"No…I'm okay" Santana forces, speaking for the first time since entering the house "I…it hurts but I'll be fine"

"I really think-"

"If it gets any worse, then…I'll go to the hospital okay?" Santana mumbles as she sees the hesitance on Rachel's face. She knows the singer wants to argue, and can all but see Rachel biting back an argument, which surprisingly she does, only offering a slight nod in response.

Slipping on the clean clothing Santana finds Rachel leading her out of the bathroom, they've only made it a few steps before Santana stumbles, her legs betraying her as she leans against the wall to regain her balance as her strength fades "Rach, I can't…"

"It's okay, my room is right here. You can rest there okay?"

Santana nods, ignoring the wave of fear that cuts through her when she thinks of being taken to someone else's bedroom. But she's beyond caring, so she doesn't fight this time when the small girl wraps an arm around her waist and supports her weight as they make it to her room.

Collapsing down on the comfort of the bed Santana shuffles so she is lying against the headboard, for her part Rachel takes a seat across the room at her desk and Santana is grateful for the distance.

They stay in silence for a while, Santana willingly sleep to come if only to avoid the inevitable flow of questions Rachel is holding in. Her thoughts are scattered as she tries to process what is happening, that she is in Rachel Berry's room and that she is letting the diva take care of her after Quinn-. Santana screws her eyes shut as images from the choir room flood her brain, the sounds of the blonde screaming and shouting fill her head again and she tries to physically shake the memories from her mind. Her efforts are vain though and she ends up quickly wiping away the tears that begin to fall.

Risking a glance at the other girl Santana winces as she sees the worried eyes observing her. She wishes she could say something to make this okay, that there was some ridiculous lie that would cover everything up again because she doesn't know if she can answer the questions that are undoubtedly coming her way.

"Who did this to you?" Rachel whispers finally, her voice barely carrying through the quiet.

Santana clenches her jaw, her eyes staring vacantly ahead. She can't tell Rachel. She can't. She shouldn't.

"Santana…what happened?" Rachel tries again.

Still the Latina is quiet but this time she looks at the other girl, frowning at the worry in her voice.

"You think I haven't noticed how different you've been lately?" the singer continues, "We all have, but every time anyone tries to talk to you, you make up some excuse and leave as quick as you can. You've been quiet, withdrawn and every time I see you there's a new bruise, whatever is happened is serious and it needs to stop Santana"

"It looks worse than it is" the Latina replies automatically "I'm fine"

"Santana-"

Rachel's argument is cut off by the sound of the front door slamming and footsteps moving quickly up the stairs. As the diva sighs and makes to get up from her bed she sees Santana begin to shake as she tries to scramble off the bed.

"It's my Dad, he must be home early" the singer explains in an attempt to calm the other girl.

It is at this moment Mr Berry comes strolling into the room. He only makes it a few paces before his eyes snap towards the stranger on his daughters bed "Oh my god"

Santana feels tears leap to her eyes as the man stares down at her, she has never felt so vulnerable and it makes her heart pound in her chest as they look at her.

"Dad, can I talk to you for a moment please?"

Mr Berry barely moves his eyes trained on the battered girl in front of him. It's only when Rachel grabs his arm and pulls him from the room that Santana relaxes.

She can hear the low mumble of voices outside the door but can make out little of what they were saying but when Rachel steps back in moments later she looks calmer, "I told my Dad you might need to stay here for a while is that okay?"

The Latina nods realising for the first time she has nowhere else to go. She can't even think of going home like this and facing her father who seems to have chosen the worst week to actually be around, and no-one else wants to be within a mile of her. The one person who has been around at all is Quinn and the thought of going to her house fills the Latina with dread.

Shuffling back to her seat at the desk Rachel runs a hand through her hair, "My Dad wants to call your parents"

Santana feels her body stiffen as panic runs through her body, "No! I don't-"

"It's okay" Rachel reassures her calmly, holding up a hand as she sees the panic on the cheerleaders face "I told him it wasn't his place since we don't know what's been going on, and even though he isn't happy about it…he's agreed not to call them, unless you want him to"

"Thanks" Santana whispers as she slumps back down on the bed.

"Is there anyone you do want to call?" Rachel asks, picking up her phone she offers it to the Latina who simply shakes her head "I mean, you should probably call your parents and let them know you're staying here at least, right?"

Santana sighs, she doesn't know much about Rachel's family but she can guess enough to know how different the Berry's and the Lopez's are. She figures it would be harder to explain that her Dad doesn't care where she is, than to actually make the call and inevitably have to leave a voicemail.

Grudgingly reaching for her own phone Santana frowns when she realises she doesn't have it.

"I left your things in the bathroom" Rachel explains "You're phone is probably there, did you want me to go get it?"

Santana thinks for a moment, and then shakes her head. She'd never admit it but she really doesn't want to be left alone again, even if it is just while the other girl is across the hall. Luckily Rachel seems to have pre-empted her answer and gentle tosses her phone over.

Quickly typing in the number Santana waits for her Dad to answer, she can feel her heart hammering in her chest as she prays for it to go to voicemail like it usually does. She practically cheers when she hears the standardised message and beep, but contains her relief long enough to leave a quick message about staying at a friend's. Hanging up and passing the phone back to Rachel the Latina wonders if he'll even get her message.

Santana sighs as she casts the phone back down on the bed, it doesn't take long for the awkward silence to seep back into the room and it's only when Rachel clears her throat uncomfortably that the Latina realises she has been staring vacantly into space for a while. She can't bring herself to look at Rachel though, the shame of letting the other girl see her for what she has become is too much to bare and instead Santana resigns herself to the fact that this, is going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – Hey guys, thanks again for the reviews. We're moving solidly into the PezBerry comfort/support now, hopefully I did it justice!**

**Chapter Six**

It should feel strange Santana thinks, to be huddled up in the bed of the girl she has tormented for years but the only thing the cheerleader can really focus on is how warm and comfortable it is. Rachel is still staring at her, her eyes have been boring holes in her for about an hour now but the Latina knows if she can learn to ignore the way Quinn looks at her, she can ignore this.

Quinn however isn't as vocal as Rachel, no one is, and it's not long before the questions begin. At first Santana stays quiet, her silent resolve doesn't last long though because god, it feels so good that someone is actually noticing her.

"Can you please just shut up?"

Okay, so it's not the perfect response but Santana sees Rachel smile as the cheerleader finally acknowledges her. She's been sat on Rachel's bed for most of the evening, pretending to sleep didn't shut her up neither did her trademark glare, though she supposed to was harder to be intimated by someone who looked like they had been trampled on by a football team.

"Sorry. I'll let you sleep, you can have my bed I'll take the guest room"

"No!"

As soon as the word is ripped from her throat Santana snaps her gaze to the floor, wondering when she became so pathetic. It's not that she's scared, not really, it's just she doesn't want to be left alone and she can't remember a time when she felt as safe as she does now.

Rachel seems to understand, biting her lip as she nods and grabs a few of her clothes from a nearby chair "I need to change"

Santana is glad the smaller girl manages to keep the pity from her voice; in fact she manages to make it sound like the two of them being together is a casual every day thing, with Santana practically begging her not to go. The cheerleader finds herself wondering how Rachel hasn't landed an acting job yet.

When Rachel re-enters the room Santana shuffles slightly to her left to make room on the bed, as Rachel slides under the covers the cheerleader feels her own body backing away and she grimaces at the way she cowers.

If the singer notices she doesn't say anything, she simply reaches over and clicks off the light "Goodnight"

Even in the dark Santana can make out the other girl's figure, the light from the window illuminating the brightly coloured room. The silence is peaceful, for a while anyway, until Santana feels the pain in her chest begin to build. It's the same most nights, except most nights no one else has to witness her falling apart. The tears come quickly, sobs wracking her body as she tries to contain the swell of emotion. It's pointless though as her cries build in volume.

Rachel's by her side in seconds, only pausing to flick the light back on "Santana, it's okay sweetie, it's okay"

The diva holds back though, clearly afraid of making the first contact and Santana's glad her self-control seems to have flown out the window as she throws herself against the smaller girl desperately seeking comfort.

Santana isn't sure how long she's been crying for, but it feels so good to let it out and even better not to be alone. As she takes a shuddering breath, trying to regain control of herself Santana is suddenly aware of the body she is pressed up against. Her arms are cradled close to her chest as Rachel holds her close, one hand gently running through her hair in an attempt to calm the Latina.

Santana frowns, swallowing back the last of her tears she pulls back to look at the other girl. The girl who has offered her more friendship than anyone else ever has. She didn't need to take her in, she could have easily ignored her or driven her straight to someone else but she stayed, even when the Latina was breaking down she stayed.

She can't help the next thought that drives itself into her mind, why? Why would anyone help her? She's a bitch, everyone knows it, but yet here they are huddled together at two in the morning.

The Latina frowns as she leans forward slightly, closing the gap between them she places her lips delicately over Rachel's, it's hesitant more than anything else but Santana is still confused when the other girl doesn't respond. Instead the singer reaches a hand up to cup her face and slowly pushes her away.

"Santana, what are you doing?" she asks softly.

It strikes the Latina as a strange question, "Isn't this what you want?"

Rachel shakes her head, and the taller brunette can just about make out the confused look that is being thrown her way.

"It's okay" the cheerleader continues quietly as she leans forward again '"I won't tell anyone. You…you can what you want"

"Santana, stop okay? Just stop"

Santana does as she is told, she feels her chest ache with rejection as she realises something "You don't want me"

"No…I…it's not that…" Rachel stumbles, her usually self-assured attitude failing.

"It's fine. I get it" Santana states, pulling back quickly. She should have realised Rachel wouldn't want her, no-one did, she couldn't even give herself away as a cheap fuck anymore. Looking up the Latina sees the singer wipe a stray tear away and a wave of guilt rushes through her "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

The Latina trails off as she looks back at Rachel, she waits for the look of sadness to turn and morph into the snarl of anger she is accustom to from Quinn. But it never comes. Instead the singer reaches out and slowly tucks a loose lock of hair behind the Latina's ear. Santana flinches slightly; she'd be lying if she said she wasn't expecting a slap.

Rachel sighs, "What happen to you Santana?"

The cheerleader bites her lip, the words tumbling forward before she could stop them "It's my fault, I make her mad"

And just like that it's out there, Rachel knows. It's not a lot but it's the first time Santana has even acknowledged that something is wrong. If Rachel is thrown by the pronoun she doesn't show it "This is not your fault"

The conviction in the other girl's words makes Santana laugh bitterly "Of course it is, you gotta figure…divine retribution, karma or some shit, whatever way you look at it"

"You can't possibly think that-"

"Oh come on, I deserve everything that happens to me. You of all people should know that" Santana argues, and for a second she thinks it's the winning argument. After all, she tormented the diva for years, shouldn't she be enjoying seeing her enemy defeated, suffering at someone else's hands?

"No-one deserves this" Rachel states after a pause, and it's clear she's determined to make the cheerleader understand.

"I do" the Latina replies nonchalantly "I fucked up so many people's lives, it makes sense that this is mine now. If anything it's more than I deserve, it might hurt sometimes but…at least I have something, someone. I'm not alone"

Rachel baulks at this, more tears flowing freely as she whispers "You're worth more than this Santana, you can't seriously believe being someone's punching bag is the best you can do?"

The cheerleader sighs, her fingers picking mindlessly at a loose thread "No-one would ever want me, why shouldn't I take what I can get?"

"Of course, someone will want you"

"You didn't" the Latina points out.

"That's not about not wanting you, it's about not wanting you to do something you'll regret" the singer argues "I'm not going to take advantage of you because you think so little of yourself that you'll just offer your body up for the taking"

"Oh please, we both know it's all I'm good for. Even before all this, the best I've ever been is a quick fuck"

"That's not true"

"No? Puck cheated on me without a second thought and pretty much only notices me when he wants something. Brittany moved on to Artie in a heartbeat and Finn not only used me as a one-night stand he made sure to tell me it was meaningless and I wasn't worth it"

Rachel is silenced by this and Santana can feel her chest tightening as she wonders if she has gone to far by bringing Finn into it. She knows the two hadn't actually been dating when she and Finn had slept together but it didn't mean the singer wasn't just as hurt finding out the way she did.

Santana sees the pain and anger rising up in the other girl "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Finn…I…you can hit me if you want, I won't stop you"

Rachel's head snaps up at this and Santana is genuinely afraid that the singer is not only going to take her up on the offer but physically throw her from her house but strangely the anger doesn't seem directed at her.

"Finn is an asshole, no matter what happened between you and him he had no right to say that to you"

The Latina blinks, Rachel sticking up for her over Finn was pretty much the last thing she had expected and she's not sure how to react to that. People don't generally pick her over anyone.

"I can't sit here and make you believe what I'm saying is true, but I will say it again and again; you are worth more than this and I am not going to let you subject yourself to this…whatever this is, anymore. You are staying here with me until we figure this out okay?"

Santana can only nod as Rachel flashes her patented Berry smile and moves to lie down; the Latina mimics her only tensing slightly when the light clicks off. She doesn't flinch at all when she feels Rachel reach over and intertwine their hands.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N – As always a huge thanks for the reviews/alerts/favourites, it makes to all worthwhile especially when this fic is so dark, it's good to see how it's being received. And a special mention to Kat for another awesome review! Thank you! **

**It's interesting to me that people seem to want to hear more about Quinn, I will say that this fic is Santana-centric and deals primarily with her reaction but there are later chapters which will feature the reappearance of Quinn and a little insight into her head.**

**Chapter Seven**

The room is quiet now and Santana listens to the gentle sound of the small girl's breathing, she swears she was only just residing herself to the fact she'll be awake forever when the sound of a scream rips through the room. It takes Santana a while to realise that it's her screaming and that she must have fallen asleep at some point because when she jolts up in bed the room seems lighter and casting a glance to the clock across the room she sees it's coming up to just past five in the morning.

Her heart is pounding in her chest, blood surging through her ears and deafening her to the terrified pleas of the girl next to her as she feels tears running down her face. Her body is aching and protesting as she shakes, her arms curling around her body as she tucks into a ball at the top of the bed ignoring the wave of pain that flashes through her.

She can hear herself chanting, a mess of pleads running together as she sobs '"I'm sorry, please stop, please, I'll be good I promise"

A gentle hand on her shoulder pulls the Latina from her trance and again she finds herself falling into Rachel's arms seeking comfort. The singer doesn't say anything but Santana can feel the smaller girl crying along with her, it breaks her heart a little to know she's dragged the other girl into this mess and she tries to pull away, her apologies directed at Rachel now.

The singer girl holds on though "It's okay, you're safe. I've got you"

And Santana believes her; she lets herself melt into the embrace her hands clutching at the fabric of the other girls top. She wants to beg her not to let go but she's knows how pathetic it would sound so she settles for burrowing as close as she can, her tears subsiding when she realises Rachel is more than happy to hold her.

When the tears finally stop Santana is happy Rachel doesn't push her with any more questions, instead she picks up on the Latina's discomfort and mumbles something trivial about breakfast and the two amble downstairs to the kitchen. It's still early by the time they start putting together food, or Rachel does at least, Santana takes a seat and watches the other girl busy herself making coffee and cereal insistent that the Latina stay seated.

They are just tucking into a second bowl of cornflakes when Rachel's Dad, a different one from last night, makes his presence known. It's all Santana can do to stay still, she wants to run back upstairs and hide from the stare she knows he's giving her even as she gazes blankly at the table in front of her.

"Morning girls" Rachel's other Dad, Hiram, says as he pops ups behind his husband, the Latina watches them each pour a cup of coffee and move to stand by the counter. If it wasn't for Rachel's words of comfort the Latina knows she would have bolted right then and there.

"How are you this morning Santana?" Hiram asks carefully as he eyes her bruised features.

The Latina is only to aware that it was probably her scream that woke them so early but she simply shrugs and lies in the way she is used to "Fine"

It's not a convincing lie and it doesn't make her feel any less pathetic, especially when she can't even look at them. Hiram is about to reply when the sound of a phone blaring makes them all jump.

"It's been doing that all night" Rachel's other Dad, Leroy, states shifting to retrieve the phone from a nearby draw "I'm guessing it belongs to you?"

Santana takes her phone from the older man, barely concealing the tremble in her hand that has nothing to do with him and everything to do with what is waiting for her on her cell. She flicks it open, her eyes scrolling down the list of missed calls and texts all from Quinn. She has a separate number for Santana of course, her cell only showing an unidentified contact spewing filth into her mailbox.

It's twisted she knows to even contemplate opening the messages, but part of her wonders if maybe Quinn was worried when she couldn't get hold of her. After all the Latina has been at her every beck and call for a long time now, surely she'd be a little concerned that the cheerleader had disappeared, even for one night?

Opening a text at random Santana wishes she didn't have an audience, she wishes it twice as hard when she reads the words waiting for her. Tears prick at her eyes as the opens another and another, it's not long before she has to hold back a sob her hand clamped against her mouth as she scrolls through the hateful texts.

"At least her spellings improved" Santana laughs bitterly "Finally learnt to spell whore with a w"

The room is silent and Santana knows it's awkward and that she's about to make it worse but she figures that Rachel and her parents should know what they're letting themselves in for. She starts reading snippets of messages out loud; most of them are the usual hate filled messages calling her names.

_You're a disgusting little whore._

_No-one would ever want to touch a slut like you._

_You make me sick._

_Worthless._

It's the message that has just filtered through that makes the Latina stop, her hands shaking so hard she nearly drops her phone. She has to read it twice to make sure she's seeing things right, when she does it only makes her heart beat harder against her ribs. Her voice is weaker this time as she whispers.

_No one will ever believe that you didn't ask for it._

Santana's eyes snap down to the table as she processes the words, if possible it sounds harsher out loud and Santana jumps when Rachel slams her coffee mug down on the table. She can't look at her friend and chooses instead to stare across the room her eyes meeting Leroy and Hiram's instead. She's not surprised to see they both look disgusted; she tends to get that look a lot.

"No-one would ever believe you asked for it" Hiram states, his tone low and intense "How could they?"

Santana shrinks back at the words a guilty expression on her face as she shifts in her seat "I did though"

Three pairs of eyes snap in her direction but Santana doesn't do much more than shrug.

"Santana…" Rachel tries, her words failing as the Latina lets out a sharp sob of disgust.

"I let her do it okay?"

Rachel frowns, "You never tried to stop her? You never said no?"

The Latina stumbles here "Well…I…"

"I know you think this is your fault somehow but it's not. You can't blame yourself-"

"Of course it's my fucking fault" Santana yells suddenly, her hands slamming down on the table loudly "Don't you get it? I let her do it. There's something wrong with me, no-wants me not even my own parents. Brittany can't stand to look at me anymore, I have no friends, nothing. The only person who wants me in anyway beats the crap out of me and makes me to do…things that….and I like it. What the hell does that say about me?"

"Do you?" Leroy spoke up quietly.

"Do I what?"

"Do you like it? I mean…do you ever go to her? Do you hunt her down, do you initiate it?" the older man asks, his eyes locking with the Latina's as she hears his words "Do you hurt her too?"

Santana her cheeks burn with shame, "No…but-"

"There are no buts Santana. She's hurting you"

"It's not that easy…I…when I'm around her, when she's…I can't control myself I can't…" the Latina let out a strangled sob "If what she's doing is so wrong, then why do I like it?"

The blank faces staring at her only made the Latina feel angrier and more ashamed, the words were out before she can stop "She makes me cum, how the fuck is that right?"

She hears Rachel gasp next to her, and in a strangely defiant act she risks a look at the girl's fathers. She wants them to see her for what she is, twisted and fucked-up, the kind of girl they should be throwing out the front door along with the rest of the morning's trash.

"How long has this been going on?" the singer asks, her voice strained.

"A while" the cheerleader grimaces "Don't be so shocked Rachel, I mean come on its fucking obvious isn't it, I'm so desperate that I let her beat me and hurt me if it means that even for a second I can pretend that someone could actually give two flying fucks about me"

The room falls silent and Santana hears her own words echoing around her, it's the first time she's really thought about what it is that's happening between her and Quinn. Normally she just blocks it out, too afraid to deal with it and to worried that if she does she'll somehow risk losing the one form of contact she has with someone.

"You think letting someone do this to you means they care, you think this is love or even affection?" the singer asks, turning in her chair to face the Latina.

The Latina shakes her head her mind racing as she battles to deal with the realisations flowing through her brain, "I'm not that stupid…when's she's with me I don't feel so alone but I guess….I guess…"

Rachel places a hand on top of the one Santana has clenched angrily on the table.

"I'm terrified all the time" the Latina finally mumbles "I'm terrified waiting for her to turn up because I never know what she'll do but then when she leaves…I'm terrified she won't ever come back"

Santana exhales loudly, the whole situation is so tremendously fucked-up that she wonders how the other three can even bare to be in the same room as her. She glances down at her hand that's now intertwined with the singers and waits for her to pull back. She doesn't, if anything Santana swears she feels the other girl grip a little tighter.

It's Hiram that speaks next and just the sound of him clearing his throat is enough to make the cheerleader shudder as she waits to be kicked out and back into the cold. It's with some shock that she realises he is holding back his own tears "Where are you parents Santana?"

The girl shrugs "My mum is in Miami I think, or San Diego she travels around a lot for work and I haven't seen her in a while. My Dads works a lot too, he hasn't been around much lately but he's working from home this week, not that it means I'll see him"

"And neither of them knows what's going on?" Hiram presses, a frown on his face as he shares a look with his partner.

"Like I said, they're busy"

Hiram sighs at this, shaking his head sadly "I'm sure they'd want to know what's been happening. To help you, perhaps you should call them?"

Santana feels her shoulders sag, she knows what Rachel's Dad really means. He wants her gone and he's too polite to say it outright. She doesn't blame him; instead she nods and quickly pulls herself away from Rachel as she stands up "Yeah, you're right. I'll get my stuff. Sorry"

She's halfway across the room and to the door when a voice stops her "Santana, wait"

The Latina is surprised to find Hiram approaching her, he keeps his distance as he strides over to face her.

"Its fine" the cheerleader states, a fake smile plastered over her face "I didn't mean to…impose or whatever. Thanks, for letting me stay"

She turns to leave again when the older man replies "I didn't mean you should leave, you're more than welcome to stay as long as you need. I just mean that, if that situation was reversed I'd want to be there for my daughter"

"I guess you and my parents have pretty different ideas then" Santana sighs, her mind catching up with the older man's words "Wait, you…it's okay if I stay? You're not kicking me out?"

Hiram shakes his head, a gentle smile on his face as he gestures for the Latina to sit back down "Of course you can stay. There is one condition though…"

He trails off and Santana hesitates before sitting down.

"We're not going to pressure you into telling your parents or anyone else for that matter, that's your decision, but…" Hiram looks to his husband and to his daughter before taking a deep breath "You need stop whatever it is that you having doing on with this girl. It's unhealthy and I don't think you realise how bad it is"

Santana frowns, her eyes flicking to each of the people in the room. She doesn't really understand why they care so much, but it feels good to have someone looking out for her so she finds herself nodding a smile breaking out when she feels Rachel reach out to take her hand again.

"Good" Hiram sighs, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he surveys the girl in front of him "I want you to feel safe here Santana, okay? So if you need us to do anything, just let us know and we'll sort it"

Santana nods, trying not to look to shocked she smiles awkwardly. Her mind is already racing through the various ulterior motives the two Berry men might have, but she is surprised when she comes up blank. As she watches the two men finish their coffees and move off into the living room the Latina finds her attention drawn back to Rachel.

Santana knows it can't be this easy, she can't simply cut Quinn out of her life there is no way the blonde would let her leave so easily. The thought of the other girl makes the Latina shiver as she imagines just how angry Quinn must be, the memory of the text messages alone make Santana feel sick as her imagination starts to conjure up ways Quinn might punish her.

"Hey…" Rachel soft voice breaks through the Latina's panic "It's going to be okay, you're safe now"

Santana frowns, her eyes flicking down to their intertwined hands she feels a jolt of something that feels a lot like hope and offering Rachel a small smile the Latina tries to believe that the diva could be right.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – First of all a huge apology for the delay between updates, the idea was to have a new chapter up every few days but unfortunately my internet connection went down last week and I've been without access for way to long! Anyways, it's finally up again so I'll be posting more chapters asap, hopefully this one was worth the unintentional wait : )**

**Chapter Eight**

It's defiantly one of the more surreal days Santana has had in her life. In fact, standing staring at Rachel Berry as she imitates a penguin is up there on the weird-scale. She's not exactly sure how they ended up driving an hour and a half to Toledo Zoo but she's glad they did because she's probably laughed more in the last few hours than she has in the last few months. She figures it's Rachel's way of trying to take her mind off of everything but it hasn't slip past her that the small girl currently has no idea the Latina is watching her waddle around with a goofy smile on her face.

It's contagious really, the way the other girl laughs and smiles. She's a lot more relaxed outside of school and glee and Santana finds some of the tension she has been carrying around for so long melt away, it's only a little bit but it's enough to allow her to smile and enjoy the day.

She has to work hard though to tune out the curious glances of the other people visiting the zoo, her face doesn't exactly blend in when it's battered and torn. She settles for wearing her hair down and buying a pair of cheap sunglasses, after that it's mostly her own self-awareness that makes her think people are staring. And that fades quickly enough when the singer starts dragging her from animal to animal babbling away with facts and numbers about each one. It's ridiculous how much one person can know about penguins.

They've been hovering by the penguin enclosure for the past twenty minutes and Santana can't bring herself to tear the other girl away. The zoo will be closing soon anyway so she settles for sitting on a bench and stealthily watching the singer. Normally she would be checking her phone instead, but Rachel put a firm ban on any cell phones and Santana gets over her initial complaints pretty quickly when she figures there's only one person who would want to get hold of her anyway.

It's late by the time they leave, Santana knows they're one of the last few people go when they're asked politely to get out by one of the staff. She chuckles at the guilty look on his face when Rachel sighs and initiates an overly dramatic exit. Some things never change.

Santana briefly wonders why she's doesn't come to Toledo more often, it's the perfect distance to feel truly away from home without actually going very far, and she smiles it's comforting to know there's a good stretch of highway between her and Quinn.

The place they pick for dinner isn't fancy but it does serve the best vegan meatballs according to Rachel. They spend a good few hours ordering things off the menu and debating each other's choices, the conversation is easy and it never feels like there's an elephant in the room they're both desperately trying to ignore. In fact the only awkward part of the whole meal is the waiter's inability to stop staring at Santana's face when she takes off her sunglasses. He gets over it though when Rachel calls him on it and makes up an elaborate story about a stage fall. It feels good to have someone looking out for her.

When it gets really late Rachel suggests they find a room somewhere, though she's awkward and bumbling and probably uses the words single and separate a few too many times. Santana smiles and tries to pretend her stomach didn't automatically send a way of nausea through her at the thought of sharing a room. It's strange because she wants to share a room with Rachel but her body is trembling at the thought. She's all too familiar with the fact her body can't be trusted, so she ignores it. After about a minute in the room she finds she isn't afraid anymore and that being with Rachel watching crappy television from their separate single beds is actually pretty fucking wonderful.

The same can't be said about falling asleep though because again she wakes herself up screaming, probably the rest of the hotel too. She flings herself across the unfamiliar room without a second thought and the feeling of crashing against the wall is oddly comforting as she burrows and whimpers against the ghosts of her dream. Rachel doesn't hesitate to spring to her side and Santana is even more grateful when she keeps an arm's length silently asking permission to come closer, permission which is quickly granted when the Latina grabs her forward, clinging to her t-shirt.

They stay that way for a while, the discomfort of being bundled on the floor together finally weighs in though and Santana allows Rachel to carry her back to her bed. When Rachel goes to move back to her own Santana stops her, it's quiet and the Latina is amazed the singer can even hear her when she murmurs for her to stay.

The smaller girl doesn't query it though she merely slides under the covers and scoops the still trembling Latina into her arms as if it's second nature. Santana leans her head against the other girls chest enjoying the hypnotising beat of Rachel's heart.

The two are quiet and it's Santana who speaks first, unable to get the image of her nightmare out of her head "I want to tell you what I dreamt about"

She feels Rachel nod but part of her hesitates, she knows there's a chance the only reason she's about to tell Rachel any of this is to try and push her away but she also knows she can't keep it locked away for much longer, the memory gnawing at her insides.

_Santana is in the shower when she hears her bedroom door slam shut. Even over the steady flow of water she can make out the approaching footsteps. Clamping her eyes shut she washes away the last of the soap covering her body with a bitter note that it'll take a lot more to clean away whatever is about to happen._

_Quinn is in front of her when she opens her eyes again, the water now cascading down on both of them. The cubicle seems so much smaller and cramped now and as Quinn slams her up against the cool tiles the Latina feels her heart race. The blonde is quick to put her hands to use, grasping the Latina's breasts as she nips at her earlobe. _

_Santana gasps when she feels Quinn grab one of her hands and pin it above her head, then grab the other and lower it to her own core. The Latina flinches as the blonde pulls back slightly her voice dropping dangerously low._

"_Touch yourself"_

_Santana blinks at the demand, because it's definitely not a request, and the way the blonde pushes her hand forward Santana knows she has to obey. She blushes as she manoeuvres her own fingers through her slit, her digits seeking out her own clit causing her hips to buck. The Latina looks away as a groan slips from her mouth, but Quinn's voice snaps her attention back._

"_Look at me"_

_Santana does, her eyes focused on Quinn as the blonde alternates between staring at her and staring at the way the Latinas hand moves against her own clit. Quinn is silent for a while as she hungrily takes in the sight, but soon she is whispering new commands. Harder. Faster. It's the last demand that makes Santana stop, her eyes snapping up to stare at the blonde who repeats herself with a snarl._

"_I said, say my fucking name"_

_Santana can't work out if it's a trap so she settles for doing as she's told; she figures the blonde has some new fucked up power trip to play with. She's muttering Quinn's name now, their eyes locked as Santana reaches her climax. Just as she's about to orgasm she feels Quinn's hand reach down and still her movements, the blonde doesn't say anything as she rips the Latina's hand away and replaces it with her own. _

_Santana grunts as the blonde traces over her clit before choosing to slip lower, sliding two fingers in hard the blonde lets out her own groan as she pins the Latina down and sets up a slow rhythm. It's torturous and Santana finds herself arching as Quinn stokes her in all the right places._

"_Say it again" Quinn groans._

_Santana does and gasps as she feels Quinn slide a third finger into her, her rhythm still slow and steady even when the brunette shudders at the pressure. When Quinn repeats her demand the Latina hesitates but one look from the blonde weakens her resolve and as she mutters the blondes name she feels a fourth finger pushing inside of her._

"_Please…it hurts" the Latina whimpers unable to form a coherent sentence. She knows the blonde isn't listening anyway._

_Santana lets out a scream as her body arches away from the touch, but pinned against the tile she has little room to move. She feels the blonde flex her fingers, stretching her further than before the blonde grunts as she uses her thumb to flick Santana's clit. The Latina cries out as a wave of pleasure flows through her, a stark contrast to the pain bubbling between her thighs, her cry is silenced as the blonde slams their lips together. Santana wonders if it is supposed to be a distraction because moments later she feels Quinn shift as she pushes her fist inside her._

_Santana cries out as Quinn picks up her pace, the Latina bucks her hips desperate for release and it's not long before she feels her walls clenching as her orgasm racks her body. The feeling of Quinn so deep inside her makes her scream louder than before and she tries to ignore the smug look on the blondes face._

_When her body finally slumps against the wall Santana lets her head roll back, it takes her a second to process that Quinn is still inside of her. Focusing on the blonde she blinks as the other girl pulls herself closer._

_Dropping her voice to a whisper Quinn stares intently "You enjoyed that didn't you?"_

_Santana doesn't have to strength to deny it, so she nods._

"_Tell me"_

"_I…" Santana's voice breaks, her throat sore from screaming she stutters "I enjoyed it"_

"_Good" Quinn states, almost smiling "Well…aren't you going to say thank you?"_

_Santana bites her lip, her body jerking when she feels the blonde adjust her fist and push harder. The brunette grunts at the movement, "Thank you"_

_Quinn pauses, her eyes locked on Santana's as she slowly removes her hand. The Latina tries not flinch but can't help the whimper that falls from her as she sees a small amount of blood tingeing the head cheerleader's hand. _

_Santana doesn't say anything when Quinn wipes her hand across the brunette's stomach with a sneer before stepping out of the shower._

"_Clean yourself up, you're a fucking mess"_

_Santana nods, reaching for the soap again she tries to ignore the sense of relief that flows through her when the blondes leaves, thankful that for the moment at least no more fists are being thrown at her._

When Santana finishes her story, omitting Quinn's identity of course, she finds her voice is hoarse and choked with tears. It didn't seem so fucked up at the time, not really, but laying with Rachel it makes her body shake in disgust and fear. What was more worrying was that the singer still hadn't said anything. She had lain quietly the whole time, not making a sound as Santana recounted one of the only times Quinn had not beaten her afterwards. She had thought it was one of the tamer stories but apparently not.

Santana doesn't fight when the singer releases her from the embrace they are locked in, even though she wants to cling on to the safety she finds in Rachel's arms she knows this is what she deserves. She doesn't wait for the singer to push her away completely though, she figures Rachel shouldn't have to feel guilty for doing it so the Latina takes the initiative. She moves quickly, figuring it will hurt less if she commits herself to what is happening and Santana is up and out of the bed before Rachel can say anything.

Sitting on the edge of her mattress Santana pulls on her sneakers, her mind racing as she tries to work out how the hell she's going to get back to Lima with no car and little money. She silently berates herself for being stupid enough to get herself into this situation in the first place but the feeling of a hand on her shoulder stops her internal rant.

She can't bring herself to turn and face Rachel though, part of her relaxes as she utters her next sentence "It's okay, I'm going"

Santana knows it was only a matter of time before the singer came to her senses, so in a way she feels justified even if she thought she'd be shown the door a lot sooner.

"I don't want you to go" the singer whispers, her voice cracked and hoarse.

The Latina turns and faces her now, and sees the tears flowing freely down the other girls face but it doesn't really click "Of course you do"

The singer is silent as she shakes her head, knowing words won't win the argument Rachel settles for wrapping her arms around the shaking figure next to her. Santana struggles at first, but the hug is loose and she knows she could easily break it. She just doesn't want to.

"I'm poison Rachel" the Latina whispers, sinking into the warm embrace "Everything I touch turns to shit, you shouldn't be to around me"

"That is not true" Rachel says emphatically, "I know you don't believe me but I want you here okay?"

"Why?" Santana doesn't expect the smaller girl to have a reason so she carries on "I'm damaged goods, I can't offer you anything"

The singer pulls back at this, her hand reaching up to wipe away a stray tear on the cheerleaders face "I don't want anything from you, except for you to trust me when I say I want to be here for you, please. Let me help you"

It's a word that strikes terror into Santana's heart, trust, because god she wants someone to help her but she doesn't know if she trusts anyone, even Rachel, to see the thing in her that's worth helping.

"I'm not worth saving Rach" the words don't come out as broken as she expected; there's just a tiredness behind them now that comes from knowing the truth.

The singer looks at her, a determined look on her face as she quickly replies "Yes, you are"

The speed and conviction with which Rachel delivers her reply stuns the Latina, the belief the singer has in her words is enough to make Santana believe in some small part of her that maybe she's not so worthless after all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

The next morning when the two girls wake up it's clear something has changed between them. Only it's not in the way Santana was afraid off, because rather than Rachel looking at her differently it is Santana who is seeing herself in a new light. Like, maybe there's some hope for her after all because if someone as sweet and innocent as Rachel can see the good in her then maybe there is a chance after all.

The drive back to Lima is relaxed at first, the two of them content in each other's company as they sing along to the radio, Santana huffing playfully as Rachel belts out some inhumanly long note to a Celine Dion song that blares out.

It's not long though before the shadow of Lima, and what's waiting for her, starts to ebb away at the flicker of hope Santana has built up. She reaches into the glove compartment of Rachel's car and retrieves her phone from its isolation. She feels an unhappy look cast her way, but the singer stays quiet.

The phrase _glutton for punishment_ goes through her head as she turns the phone on and is instantly bombarded with texts and missed calls again. The messages are similar to before but she keeps them to herself this time. Rachel has had to deal with enough already and the Latina is unwilling to wear her down with any more.

If she's honest with herself the texts terrify her because they might be similar to the rest but something about these seems more sinister. She can practically feel Quinn's anger pulsing through the handset and it's not long before she has to put it back in the glove compartment, happy to live in denial for the last part of the journey.

When they make it back to the Berry's Santana is half-expecting Quinn to be waiting for her and the tension as they approach the house is obvious. Rachel smiles as she pulls into the driveway and once the car is parked she grabs the cheerleaders hand "I'm right here"

It's such a simple statement but the tension evaporates from Santana as the two make their way inside. It's still early in the evening when they finish unpacking and the cheerleader is surprised to find Rachel's Dads have gone to the trouble of making dinner. At her house she's normally left to fend for herself from an array of take-out menu's and leftovers.

The four sit around the table in the kitchen and Santana is quiet as the family fall into comfortable conversation about Toledo and the zoo, Rachel recommends the place they went for dinner and she jokes about the hotel and its poor excuse for breakfast. It's all alien to Santana so she keeps quiet not wanting to accidently ruin the moment.

No-one mentions anything more serious than whether penguins are superior to tigers, it's like a cocoon Santana could hide away in forever. When the doorbell goes Santana barely even notices, which is why it's so much worse when she looks up to see Quinn standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

She freezes instantly, the illusion of normality shattered as she watches Quinn charm her way into the conversation. Santana almost misses the part where the blonde asks to speak to her in private.

"San, you coming?" the blonde asks, a perfectly innocent smile on her face.

The Latina wants to say no, it would be so easy she thinks to stay where she is and not get sucked back into the cycle of whatever she and Quinn have. But obeying the head cheerleader is a hard cycle to break and instead Santana finds herself traipsing after the blonde.

The door to the study slams shut behind her and Santana isn't surprised to find herself backed up against it, the blonde pressing tightly against her aching frame as she draws her into a kiss. The Latina replies half-heartedly and when the blonde pulls back there's more than at little anger at her lack of enthusiasm.

"What the fuck are you doing here, with her?" Quinn spits as she reaches up to trace the bruise surrounding Santana's eye.

Santana stays silent; she doesn't even ask how Quinn found her.

"What are you doing with that fucking loser?" she asks again pressing down on the bruise and making Santana whimper.

The Latina is shocked to find herself angered by the words and before she can think about it she growls "She's not a loser"

Quinn arches an eyebrow at the suddenly resistant girl, "She must be, if she actually wants to have you hanging around her"

Santana doesn't have time to argue back, she wants to defend Rachel but the blonde clearly anticipates her next move and the Latina finds herself gasping for air as Quinn aims a sharp punch at her stomach.

The blonde hovers over her now, and then slams her back into the door. Santana bites her lip as she sees the panic in Quinn's eyes that's only thinly veiled by its usual lust and anger, she's never seen the cheerio look worried and it scares Santana more than she's willing to admit.

When the blonde presses her body against hers again Santana lets the cheerleaders hands roam slowly under her shirt, fingernails gently scrapping against skin and nipple making her moan. The blonde leans in now, her mouth placing delicate kisses against the other girl's jaw.

The words that are whispered next sound so faint and casual that Santana almost misses the threat contained within "If you tell anyone, they won't believe you"

The blonde's hand is snaking its way down and inside her waist band now, the nimble fingers finding their way inside her underwear to cup her core as Quinn's voice drops to a growl "You're a slut and everyone knows it, but me…I'm the golden girl"

Santana wants to shout back, Quinn is far from the perfect teenager everyone thought she was a year ago but she is distracted by the feel of the other girl's fingers slipping between her folds and teasing her clit.

The Latina stiffens at the contact, and she can't work out how she manages to speak but the words come pouring out "You have to stop. Please. I can't do this anymore"

Quinn jerks at the words but her fingers continue to explore as she pulls back to stare at the brunette "You don't mean that"

"Yes, I do" Santana gasps as Quinn deliberately increases the pressure on her clit "Stop"

It's taking all her resolve to focus on what she needs to say but the blonde brushes her off effortlessly "What we're doing isn't wrong, you like it, you know you do"

Santana shudders at the snigger that follows the taunt, but locking eyes with Quinn she whispers "Then why does it hurt so much?"

It's the first time she's seen Quinn flinch and the Latina feels her heart pounding even faster as the tension between them builds. The blonde is shaking now, her body leaning against the Latina's as she takes in the words.

For a moment the brunette thinks she's going to stop but a desperate look crosses the blondes features and Santana feels the hand stroking her clit drop lower, two fingers positioned at her entrance.

They're both breathing heavily, when the sound of Rachel's voice rings out from the other side of the house. It's all it takes to stall Quinn and Santana takes her window of opportunity and reaches down to grab Quinn's wrist, quickly pulling it out of her underwear and using what little strength she has left to shove the blonde off of her.

"I said, stop!"

She's trembling and her heart literally feels like it's going to explode but she stares Quinn down regardless. Santana doesn't feel strong, she feels' like she's going to break but a voice in her head tells her that at least this way she's the one in control. If she has to break then she'd rather it was because of her own actions.

"You have to leave" Santana manages to say, pushing herself off of the door.

The sound of Rachel's voice calling out again draws both girl's attentions and Santana is surprised to see fear in Quinn's eyes as she slowly nods "Okay"

It's strangely simple Santana thinks when the blonde moves past her without so much as raising a fist but then she realises that getting Quinn out of the house isn't quite the same thing as getting her out of her life. She isn't foolish enough to think she won't see Quinn again, or that the blonde won't seek her out sometime soon but watching Quinn hurry out of the room gives her the hope that maybe it won't be too long before the head cheerleader is truly gone.

The exhilaration of finally standing up to Quinn doesn't last long, and the adrenaline soon turns to fear when she thinks about what she has actually done. When Rachel finds her in the study the Latina puts on her usual false bravado and dodges and evades questions as she calmly tries to head to the upstairs bathroom.

She thought she had made it without drawing attention, she really did, but just as she's emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet she hears a soft knock on the door. She knows it's Rachel without a doubt, and she wonders if the fact she didn't even bother to lock the door means something because she's not telling the singer to go away when she slips into the room.

As the last of the nausea sweeps through her body Santana pulls herself to her feet and after splashing some cold water on her face and brushing her teeth she sits down on the edge of the bath tub while Rachel sits on the lid of the toilet. The Latina smiles sadly at the sense of déjà vu but can't bring herself to say anything.

"It's her, isn't it?" Rachel finally murmurs. It's not a question so much as it's a statement.

Santana can't bring herself to lie, she knows she won't be able to convince the other girl anyway so she shrugs and nods.

She's not entirely prepared for the barrage of curses and shouts that are let loose upon her admission but she sits still while Rachel gets it out of her system, only jumping slightly when she sees the singer throw one of the bottles by the side of her across the room, smashing whatever it was into a thousand tiny fragments.

"I'm sorry"

Santana knows Rachel isn't just apologising for her outburst "Me too"

They sit like that for a while before Rachel suggests they go to her room, Santana agrees after all it's cold in the bathroom and she's more than aware that the next conversation about her and Quinn is not going to be a short one.

It's strange the Latina thinks as she takes a seat on the bed opposite where Rachel is sat cross-legged, that the smaller girl hasn't bombarded her with questions. It's stranger still though that Quinn in her desperate attempt to hide her identity from the Berries has actually given herself away.

"I don't want anyone else to know"

It's the first thing that tumbles out of Santana's cluttered brain and it makes an instant impact as Rachel's eyes widen "What?"

"You heard. I know what you're thinking; you want to tell someone right; your parents, my parents, Mr Shue, Figgins, the police?"

"Of course I do, how can you not? How can you sit here while she's out there roaming around? What she has been doing to you isn't right and she should be punished"

"You don't know the whole story Rach" Santana sighs with a shake of her head, she wishes Rachel wasn't so angry about it but she can't really blame her, even if the next thing that flies out of the singer's mouth cuts through Santana's heart like a knife.

"I know she's been fucking you for months and making you do things you didn't want. I know she's been beating you" Rachel's eyes are burning with anger as Santana sits calmly, it's the calmness and the acceptance that finally breaks the tiny diva "I know she thinks that fucking you in the shower until you bleed and scream that it hurts is okay and it's not, it's fucking not. I don't understand…"

Rachel trails off as sobs overcome her small frame and this time it's Santana who is comforting the other girl, reaching out to clasp her hand as she whispers "It's okay, I'm okay"

"No you're not" the diva replies through her tears, "You can't even see what she's been doing to you is wrong. You keep blaming yourself, saying you let her"

"I did"

She feels Rachel tense at her words and Santana senses the singer looking at her intensely "Quinn has been abusing you Santana. She's manipulating you and warped you into thinking you wanted it. But no-one wants to be abused like that. No-one"

"I…she's all I have"

"Look me in the eye and tell me you wanted her to fuck you like she did, that you wanted her to hit you and make you bleed. That you don't have nightmares every night about her, that you aren't terrified of being left alone with her"

Santana feels her chest tighten at the singer's words, and she pulls back from the other girl shaking her head as she scrambles of the bed and shelters in the corner of the room.

Rachel follows her over, sitting near her as she whispers her next words "I know you didn't ask for it"

Santana head shoots up at the other girl's words, Quinn had said no one would believe her.

"She took advantage of you, she knew you were lonely so she made you thinking having her with you, no matter what she did, was okay. And it's not"

Santana feels her thoughts racing faster than she can keep up with. She knows that whatever her and Quinn had it was dark and twisted but she was so desperate for any kind of attention, for anyone to want her that she never let herself fully consider what was happening. She knows she said no, that there were times when she wanted it to stop but she also knows she could have done more to stop it. What does that mean? "I let it happen. I didn't fight her, not really, I mean…I said no, I…"

The words are the same but they sound so different, the conviction and belief behind them is gone as the Latina looks up at Rachel, a confused look on her face as she tries to process everything.

Rachel bites her lip, the frown on her face deepening, "Just because you didn't fight to the death to stop her doesn't mean you let it happen. You said it yourself, you said no"

The tears are flowing freely now as Santana leans her head against the wall "What am I supposed to say though? I can't tell people what she's been doing, you might believe me but no-one else would. I mean come on, can you really see anyone believing that Quinn Fabray started an abusive relationship with me?'"

"People will believe you because it's the truth"

"No they won't" the Latina shouts, hold her head in her hands as she mutters "And even if they would believe me…I just…I can't deal with people knowing"

Rachel stares intently at the shaking girl in front of her "You're not alone here Santana, I will be with you every step, my Dad's too"

"I…I'm not strong enough" Santana finally whispers, "I know what people will say, that I'm lying or I deserved it and I can't deal with it okay? I'm not strong enough. Please, I'm begging you don't tell"

The singer can barely nod as Santana dissolves into sobs, but she knows it's not her place to push to other girl into telling people about her and Quinn, and she doesn't want to force her to "Okay, I won't tell anyone but I swear to god, if she comes near you I will end her"

Santana looks up sharply, a hesitate look on her face at the offer of protection, with a half-smile she whispers "Promise?"

"I promise"

And Santana knows she means it.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N – Hey guys, a massive thanks once again for all the reviews/alerts. A little more Quinn in this chapter and coming up in chapter twelve, a hint of PezBerry and the introduction of Santana's Dad…**

**Chapter Ten**

At school on Monday its clear Rachel wasn't lying. Santana spends the first half of her day with the smaller girl glued to her side, and despite the initial shock of the two previously sworn enemies showing up to school together the rest of the student body quickly moves on. Santana isn't surprised, her social status has been on the downfall for weeks and she's all but fallen off the radar to most people. She's mostly left alone, in fact aside from Quinn no one has spoken to her much recently. It's strangely comforting to be invisible on the social hierarchy, it allows her a freedom she's never had before, her cheerio's uniform still guarantee's slushy-free days and it's not so lonely now she has Rachel at her side.

The same can't be said about glee though, the rest of the club eyeing her sceptically as she takes a seat with Rachel near the front of the class, but Santana isn't aware of the stares they are receiving because as soon as Quinn walks in the room all she can feel is panic.

When the blonde strolls in the choir room Santana can see straight past the calm, controlled façade she has thrown up, and focuses on the terrified girl hiding behind the well-practised exterior. It's a lot like a caged animal and that scares Santana more than she's willing to admit, though she finds herself grabbing Rachel's hand discreetly as her heart rate increases.

Quinn doesn't even spare her a glance though as she waltzes past and takes a seat with Puck at the back of the room. For the rest of the practice all Santana can concentrate on is the feeling of eyes burning into her back and she immediately regrets picking a seat at the front, having Quinn lingering behind her only stirs up horrible thoughts.

Half-way through rehearsal Mr Shue sends Rachel to do something, Santana isn't so sure what though, having been too busy focusing on the blonde cheerleader behind her she only realises Rachel is leaving when the smaller girl retracts her hand from the Latina's grip and informs her she'll be back soon.

Santana isn't worried, Rachel said she would protect her and she believes her.

It's only when the clock strikes five and Mr Shue dismisses the club that the brunette panics because Rachel isn't back yet and Quinn is still in close proximity. It feels as though her body is moving through tar, she wants to stand quickly grab her things and go searching for her friend but she can't seem to move. The more people who filter out the room the slower time seems to move for her, and it's not long before they two are the only ones left.

"You told her didn't you?" Quinn growls as she steps down from where she is standing and squares off against the Latina who has only managed a couple of steps from her seat.

She wants to lie but it's kind of pointless so she shrugs "She figured it out"

The slap connects pretty hard with her cheek and Santana feels her head jolt to the left, she manages to keep her balance even though she hadn't been expecting it.

"Did you tell anyone else?"

Santana can hear the fear in the blondes voice and it strikes her as ironic that even though Quinn told her no-one would ever believe her story, that the blonde is more convinced than Santana that they would. The Latina shakes her head as she stares at the ground.

"Good because if you tell anyone else, if she tells anyone" Quinn spits "Then it's not just you who's going to pay"

The threat lingers in the air as Santana snaps her head up to stare at Quinn, her eyes wide with fear as she processes what the blonde has just said, her next sentence is shaky as she whispers "You wouldn't touch her"

"You wanna bet?"

Santana swears she feels her heart stop because she realises there's nothing Quinn isn't capable off. A terrified Quinn, panicked that people are going to find out the truth about her is genuinely capable of anything and there is no way Santana is going to put Rachel at risk. She knows now that their secret will forever remain trapped between the three of them.

"Please, leave her out of this" the Latina manages "I swear, we won't tell anyone"

Santana knows her best chance at protecting herself and Rachel is tied to keeping her mouth shut, she can see that Quinn knows how much trouble she'd be in if anyone else found out about her trips to see Santana and it scares the Latina, but she can't help but add "We won't tell anyone else…but you have to leave me alone"

It's not much of a threat really, more of an offer, her silence for her safety. It's a little like making a deal with the devil but Santana feels strangely confident.

When Quinn nods the Latina breathes a sigh of relief, its cut short though when the blonde grabs her arm and rams her against the wall. The blondes body is pressed firmly against hers and Santana squirms as she tries to free herself.

"If I hear you've so much as hinted that anything happened between us, I will make you sorry we ever met"

Santana grunts as she utters "I'm already sorry I ever met you"

It's probably not the smartest thing she's ever done, insulting the girl who's already hurt her, but Santana knows she needs to fight back somehow. Their deal is tenuous at best, each threatening to other, and the brunette needs to feel that somehow they are on an even footing.

The sound of a door slamming breaks them apart as they whirl around to the entrance, when Santana sees Rachel storming over she can only watch as the tiny brunette forces her way between the two cheerleaders.

Quinn finds herself being shoved back hard and she stumbles as she is caught off guard by the unexpected strength "Stay the hell away from her Quinn"

The blonde growls as she straightens herself up "Happily, I'm fucking sick of the sight of her, she's all yours RuPaul"

"Get out"

Quinn glares for a moment at the sight of the two brunettes stood together and for a second Santana could swear she sees a hint of jealously flash across the blondes features but it's gone quickly and she stomps over to the door. Not one to leave without a passing blow, the cheerleader sneers at Rachel "I give it a week before you're sick of her too, she's a worthless bitch and the only thing she's good for is a cheap fuck" Turning to Santana she adds "You think she gives a shit about you? She doesn't, no-one does, its pity. The only reason she's anywhere near you is because she thinks you're pathetic, and she's right"

Quinn slams the door behind her as she finally storms from the room.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asks as she turns to face the cheerleader.

Santana shrugs, an unconvincing smile on her face as Quinn's words echo in her head. It's not like the thoughts hadn't occurred to Santana before, she's well aware that people have a tendency to leave but it still stings to be reminded that Rachel probably won't be around much longer.

"I'm so sorry I left you" Rachel babbles on, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind the Latina ear "Did she hurt you? Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No. I'm fine, really" Santana manages, after all she doesn't want any of the precious time they have left together to be spent like this "Can we just go please?"

"Sure"

Tw head out of the school and over to Rachel's car and Santana breathes a sigh of relief as she slides into the passenger seat and locks the door. Closing her eyes she listens to the hum of the engine as Rachel pulls out of the parking lot, she knows it's only a matter of time before the diva spits out whatever is lingering on her mind.

"I hate her"

The words are spoken with such venom that Santana can only snap her eyes open and stare at the smaller girl who is gripping onto the steering wheel so hard her knuckles have turned white. The Latina doesn't say anything in response; she's not even sure what she could say so she settles for a nod before gazing out of the window.

She'd be stupid to think Quinn would back off now, that there wouldn't be another opportunity where the blonde would try and worm her way back into Santana's life but for the moment the Latina takes some comfort from the fact she has taken the another step forward. A tiring realisation sweeps over Santana as she gazes at the passing landscape, and she tries to ignore the stampede of thoughts in her head, because she knows that getting away from Quinn is just the start of it and that things are far from over.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N – It's time to meet Mr Lopez…**

**Chapter Eleven**

Standing in front of the mirror Santana can only grimace, she wants to smile but there's a nagging voice in her head that just won't shut up and it sounds a lot like Quinn Fabray. As her eyes wonder over her reflection the Latina frowns, for the first time in a long time there are no bruises, no cuts, nothing marring her skin. She looks normal. She looks like she used to.

Only she doesn't and that's what's making her frown. It's the eyes she realises, with a sigh and a shake of her head. The spark that was once there has gone, and even with the sight of her body back to its post-Quinn state she knows that the psychological marks still cut deep. She remembers Rachel telling her that it was the damage she couldn't see that would be harder to repair. Santana had wanted her to be wrong, she hoped that just being able to look in the mirror and not be reminded of the beatings would help; the only problem is she still sees Quinn when she looks in the mirror. Or when she tries to sleep or close her eyes, the truth is she still thinks about Quinn all the time.

And when she isn't thinking about Quinn she is obsessing over Rachel and her Dads, wondering how long it will be until they grow tired of her and she's thrown out. The Berries have been nothing but understanding and sympathetic since she has started staying with them but Santana knows from experience that it will only be a matter of time before they abandon her too, it feels like she is up against an invisible clock fighting to sort herself out before it strikes midnight. She knows there are still so many things she wants to do, and to say and she is determined to do at least one of those things tonight.

The sound of someone entering the room draws Santana's attention but she stays staring at her reflection as Rachel wonders up behind her.

"What are you doing?" the singer asks as she moves to stand next to the cheerleader.

Santana shrugs, tugging self-consciously at the hem of her tank top her eyes quickly moving away from the image in the mirror "Nothing….I mean I was…"

Rachel nods her understanding as the Latina trails off, her eyes flick between the reflection and the reality '"You look good San, everything healed really well"

The Latina can't bring herself to look back at her reflection and instead choses to abandon her interrogation of herself and settles for flopping down on Rachel's bed, smiling when she feels the other girl lay down next to her. The room is quiet for a moment, and Santana knows she needs to say something now or its going to eat at her forever.

"I thought I'd miss her" Santana whispers as she stares up at the ceiling "I thought I would but…I don't"

She feels Rachel turning on her side to look at her and she knows the diva is confused but Rachel is always patient enough to let her speak, a trait the Latina would never have thought possible until a few weeks ago "I thought I wanted her in my life, that having her there meant….meant that I wasn't alone and that I wasn't…unlovable. I needed her to prove to myself that someone wanted me even if it wasn't in the way I actually wanted y'know? And now with her gone, I thought I'd feel like I always used to; alone, desperate and fucking worthless"

Santana swallows back her tears as she rolls over to face the tiny brunette, she can feel the tears running down her cheeks but makes no attempt to stifle them "You changed that Rachel, I don't know how or why but you did, you are incredible and I can never thank you enough"

"You don't have to thank me" the singer whispers as she reaches over to brush away the tears on the cheerleaders face.

"Of course I do" Santana replies with a watery smile "You saved me, you saved me when no-one else thought I was worth it, not even me, and you were the first person to see the good in me, the thing worth saving and that means more to me than anything"

Rachel smiles, her own tears falling freely now as she pulls the Latina into a hug, in the comfort of the singer's arms Santana relaxes, it's strange how much the other girl's presence comforts her but it feels like second nature now and that's why it hurts so much more when the Latina adds, "And I want you to know that I understand completely that now Quinn has agreed to back off and I'm recovered that you need your own space back and I should probably go-"

"I don't want you to go" Rachel interrupts, her arms tightening on reflex.

"You don't?" Santana asks as she worms her way out of the hug to stare down at the other girl in shock.

Rachel shakes her head "No. I lov-…like having you around. I like staying up late and watching crappy movies and then arguing in the morning over what constitutes a good breakfast, and how you help me with Spanish homework and the way you and Daddy bond over those old cookery books he has. He loves having you here too, they both do. But I…I guess I understand if you want to go…"

"I don't!" Santana responds quickly, a frown on her face as she blurts out "I assumed you guys wanted me gone, I mean…I figured once the pity had run out and you got bored of me dragging you down then I'd be out on my ass. I thought I'd make it easy for you to get me to leave"

"That's ridiculous. First off all, I never invited you here out of pity and secondly I could never be bored with you around" Rachel rallies as she sees the insecurity on the cheerio's face "I know you have this tendency to think everyone is going to abandon you but I promise you I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. This is your home for as long as you want to it be, okay?"

"Okay" Santana nods, her chest tightening as she sees the sincerity in Rachel's eyes "But there is one thing though…."

"What?" the diva replies worriedly.

"There are a few things I need to pick up from my house, I…will you come with me?" Santana asks, biting her lip nervously. She has only been back to her house once since she has been staying with the Berries and even that was a quick trip to pick up the basics while her Dad was out of the house.

"Of course I will" Rachel agrees with a warm smile. "When did you want to go?"

"Erm…now?" the Latina admits as she sits up.

"Are you going to talk to your Dad about what's been happening?"

"Honestly, I doubt he'll be there" Santana starts, exhaling loudly as she looks at her friend "But if he is…I'm not ready to tell him everything, not by a long-shot, but I think maybe I need for him to know some of it…maybe then he'll understand why I want to be here with you and not alone in that house"

There isn't much to say after Santana has made her decision so the two girl's hurry to get their things together before getting into Rachel's car and heading over to the Lopez residence. As Rachel pulls the car into the driveway she can see Santana becoming more and more agitated, and when they make their way to the front door the diva half-expects the other girl to have a sudden change of mind. Instead the Latina takes a deep breath and focuses on digging her keys from her pocket. It takes a couple of attempts but Santana finally manages to unlock the door and lead them inside.

The house is huge, and Rachel thinks, judging from the décor that it is defiantly worth-a-lot of money. But once the initial impressiveness of the house has worn off Rachel can't help but notice how cold it feels, and not just in terms of temperature. Everything is neat and tidy, and peering around the diva frowns at how soulless and unlived in it feels.

"Come on" Santana whispers, her voice cutting through the icy silence of the house "My room is this way"

Santana runs a hand through her hair as she trudges up the staircase and heads to her room. The last time she was here she barely took more than a couple of minutes to grab her toothbrush and pack some clean clothes, she was too worried her Dad would come back and see her busted face and start asking questions.

When they enter Santana's room the Latina quickly sets about packing her things together as Rachel awkwardly paces the length of the room. "So, I guess your Dad isn't here?"

Santana lets out a bitter laugh "He's almost never here. I've pretty much been reduced to emailing him an updated bullet-point version of my life every month or so"

The Latina shakes her head as she stomps over to the bathroom and begins to collect a variety of shampoo and toiletries, she's so distracted by her task that she almost doesn't hear the front door slam shut.

"Hello? Santana? Is that you?"

The unfamiliar sound of her Dad's voice ringing out makes the Latina jump, her eyes darting to Rachel who looks equally surprised. For a moment Santana considers staying quiet and contemplates hiding under the bed, the confidence from earlier slowly seeping away as the sound of footsteps on the stairs announce her Dads impending arrival.

"Yeah, I'm-I'm in my room"

Santana can only bite her lip as she remains stuck in her place; she just about manages to throw the various things she is clutching into the bag on her bed before the door to her room opens.

It's been a long time since Santana has seen her Dad and as he walks in the only thing the Latina can think is that she is glad Rachel is there with her, because somehow it's less awkward with the diva in the room with her and she feels a little stronger just knowing she is by her side "Hey Dad"

"What's going on?" the older man asks as he surveys the messy half-packed room. He doesn't even acknowledge Rachel, his eyes glancing over to his daughter as she shifts from foot to foot.

"I erm…this is Rachel, the only I told-the one I mentioned in my messages?" Santana begins, wondering if her father even took the time to listen to the voicemails or read the text messages she sent to let him know who she was staying with. She had called numerous times with no answer so had to resort to every other kind of communication, none of which got a reply.

"Right…"

The cheerleader sighs at the disinterested response, she should have seen it coming really but still, it hurt to know he didn't really care that she hadn't been living at home for a while "Well she asked me if I wanted to stay with her, and her Dads, for a little while and I said yes so I came over to pick up some things"

Her Dad frowns at this as he steps further into the room "So, you're not going to be living here then?"

Santana shakes her head as her eyes fall to the floor, she hasn't really been living there for a while and whilst part of her wants to point this out she settles for a more diplomatic response, "I….I've had a pretty rough time lately and I don't want to be here alone"

It wasn't much of an insight, more of a lead-in and Santana desperately wants her Dad to show some kind of concern or worry but instead he nods "How long will you be gone?"

Santana can barely contain the anger that flashes across her face, "I don't know, a week…maybe two, or a month, fuck- I could go a whole year and you probably wouldn't notice"

"Mija, that's not-"

"Don't Dad! Don't stand there and pretend like everything is okay here because it isn't. You know the main reason I don't wanna be here? It's not that your never around, I'm used to that, you've been absent most of my fucking life but I can't live here alone knowing that you don't give a fuck about me. We haven't spoken in months Dad, did you even notice I was gone? Did you care?"

Mr Lopez tenses, taking a deep breath he stutters "Of course I noticed, but I know you can take care of yourself I didn't think you'd want me invading your privacy"

Santana scoffs as she strides over to her bed and hurriedly grabs her things together "I've always taken care of myself Dad, I've had to because you sure as hell weren't going to. You're kind of lucky actually, that I've been able to support myself because you never checked on me…just assumed I would always be okay without you but you know what? These last few months I haven't been"

Santana grabs a bag and throws it over her should as Rachel does the same "I needed someone an you weren't there, you're never fucking there"

Storming past her father Santana flies down the stairs with Rachel close behind, the diva is first out the door and is unlocking the car when Mr Lopez comes out of the house.

"What is going on with you?" the older man asks as he approaches the car.

"You know that's the first time you have ever asked me that?" Santana barks, her fist clenching at her sides. She's past caring what he thinks now, she wanted to come here and talk to him. To be able to tell him the shit that she had been through while he was working or playing golf or whatever it was he chose to do rather than be a father but now standing in front of him the Latina knows no good will come from letting him in, "Just forget it, I'm going because Rachel and her family, actually want me around"

"Santana-" the older man's argument is cut off by the sound of a phone ringing and Santana watches in disbelief as he reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell and check the caller ID. It stings like hell when he doesn't end the call, his eyes flicking between his daughter and the object in his hand like he is torn.

"You know what, you should answer it I'm sure it's important" Santana shakes her head as she feels tears dripping down her cheeks, her voice comes out stronger than she expects "But then again most things are more important to you than I am"

The Latina turns quickly, she knows her last words are lost on her father. He has already hit the button to take the call before she could finish. Sliding into the passenger seat Santana doesn't even try and control the sobs that rack her body as Rachel pulls out the driveway quickly, the diva reaches over to clasp one of the taller girl's hands "Let's get you home"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

They don't talk about what happened with her Dad, there isn't much to say really, and Santana isn't entirely comfortable admitting out loud that her own Father doesn't want her. It hurts like hell though, and the Latina has come to realise that when something hurts her she has pretty poor coping mechanisms. It's not like Rachel isn't trying to get her to open up about it either, it's just Santana is good at wriggling her way out of it. Besides, part of her is consumed with jealously that the Berry household is so happy and…well, family-like. And it just makes her feel all kinds of guilty when the whole Berry family has done nothing but try and make her feel welcome.

So instead of talking about it she gets angry. At first she contains it to school, yelling at freshman and throwing slushies but when that doesn't work she takes to staying out late, drinking and picking fights with strangers. But that only helps for a bit and she soon grows tired of having to hide her bruises from Rachel and making up stories about why she hasn't been getting back till late. There's a pretty heavy amount of guilt attached to it as well, and Santana can't really face the idea of upsetting the Berries any more than she already has, so she stops.

It's a little while before she first finds comfort in a razor blade.

The first time is an accident, it's late and she's tired and she could have sworn she picked up a toothbrush but when the first drops of blood drip down from her fingertips and into the sink the Latina finds her newest coping mechanism. It's healthier than hurting other people or making the Berries worry about where she is, and a lot easier to hide.

So she trades vodka and punches for razors and bandages and for a little while it works. It's like her anger is flowing down the drain every time she marks her skin. She starts small at first but all too quickly grows in confidence and it doesn't take long for her left arm to read like a tale of her turmoil. She's careful though, and tries not to cut to deep, but there are times when she knows she is pushing her body to its limits almost daring herself to make a mistake. And she does.

It's fucking ridiculous that the one time she pushes to far, the one time she can't get the image of her Dad turning his back on her out of her head, that Hiram Berry is the only other person in the house. Rachel has gone to a ballet class, at Santana's insistence, and the Latina can't resist the call of her blade. But she's not concentrating and her anger gets the better of her. It doesn't scare her at first when the blood runs fast and heavy down her arm but as the seconds tick past and it continues she feels her heart pounding in her chest as she realises what she has done.

The scream leaves her lips before she can stop it, reverberating around the tiles of the bathroom as she stares in horror at her butchered arm. The sound of a fist pounding on the door draws her attention but she can't seem to move as she hears Hiram shouting.

The older man panics at the lack of response and cautiously enters the room and Santana finds she's never been more relived, or ashamed, to see anyone. It takes him a second to process the scene that greets him, Santana leant over the sink with a blade in one hand her other stained crimson as she trembles, her knees finally buckling underneath her and sending her tumbling to the floor.

Hiram is by her side instantly, producing a towel from seemingly nowhere he quickly wraps Santana's arm to stem the bleeding "Oh sweetie, what have you done?"

His voice is quiet and sad and the Latina is surprised to see tears in his eyes as he kneels down beside her. Maybe it's the warmth or the concern he is showing, maybe it's the blood loss, but Santana finds herself whispering "I didn't mean to-…I just wanted to stop hurting"

He nods as a tear escapes down his cheek and he wraps an arm around the small girl to gently pick her up. Santana burrows herself against his chest, clutching her bandaged arm she allows him to carry her down to the car. Her head is fuzzy but she knows he is taking her to the hospital, she can only hope that no-one else will see her.

The whole experience is surreal, and Santana wonders if the upside to the whole thing is that she lost enough blood to almost not remember the hospital trip. The drive is a blur of fear and worry, mostly coming from Hiram, as the cheerio is to numb to feel anything besides a dull throb, and she has no memory of anyone putting the stiches in her arm. There was something about a psych evaluation and staying overnight but Santana is pretty sure she had a big enough fit to worm her way out of it, at least that's how she guesses she ended up being helped back into the Berry household at an ungodly hour in the morning.

She doesn't notice at first that the light are on when they walk in the front door but the sound of worried voices coming from the kitchen breaks the Latina's trance, her eyes darting from side to side as she fights the urge to run. It's only the calming presence of Hiram next to her that keeps her grounded.

Rachel is the first one to come barrelling out of the kitchen, almost sliding to a halt on the laminated flooring when she spots her Dad and friend, Leroy is close behind his eyes glued to his husband as he tries to ask a barrage of unspoken questions.

"Where have you been? What happened?" Rachel babbles, "We were so worried. I mean, we got home and there was no-one here and…and the bathroom…I…"

Santana is almost glad when the diva trails off because she doesn't have the strength to deal with the intensity coming from the smaller girl. She's even gladder when Hiram fields the questions.

"I'm sorry, I should have called but…Santana needed to go to the hospital. There was an incident" the older man trails off as he casts a look at the Latina "Perhaps we should make some tea"

Santana can't bear to meet his gaze, or anyone else's, so she keeps her eyes glued to the floor as they all shuffle awkwardly to the kitchen. The three of them take a seat while Hiram busies himself making drinks.

For a while the only sound in the room is that of metal against china but all too soon Santana is sat with a mug in front of her and nowhere to hide, and she hates how insanely vulnerable she feels. Not because she thinks anything bad will happen, quite the opposite, she knows the Berry's care about her and that they want to help her but she's not sure if she's ready to deal with having an actual family.

"Are you ready to talk about what happened?" Leroy asks softly as he toys with the handle of his mug, his eyes trained on the girl opposite him.

Santana exhales slowly, admiring the way he always manages to take her feelings into consideration. Most people would have demanded an explanation, push the issue as though they were owed something, but here they are sat waiting patiently for the Latina to decide if she's ready.

"It was an accident" the Latina begins hesitantly, "I mean, sort of…I didn't mean to cut so deep"

Leroy nods as he takes in the girl's words, his eyes flicking to the table as he holds back his own emotions, getting upset now wouldn't help anyone least of all the teenager "Has it been going on long?"

Santana shrugs her shoulders, "Not really…a week, maybe two. I thought I could control it and that it was better than staying out drinking and-….At least this way the only person I'm hurting is myself and let's face it, I'm already damaged goods"

The words hang in the air and Santana is surprised to feel Rachel reach out to clasp her hand on top of the counter, locking their fingers together the diva gives a reassuring squeeze. She stays quiet though not trusting herself to hold back on the tears brimming below the collected exterior.

Hiram shakes his head sadly, his eyes locking with Santana "You are not damaged goods. I know it feels like that now, that you feel like you're broken but that doesn't mean you can't be put back together. We are all here for you and I know that's not something you're used to, but you are a part of this family"

"I don't-I don't understand though, why?" Santana mumbles as her shoulders sag in defeat as she voices her deepest fear "Why would you want me? No-one does, not even my own family-"

"San…" Rachel tries but is quickly cut up.

"No, look I fuck things up it's what I do-"

Hiram holds up a hand to interrupt her, "You need to stop blaming yourself for other people's mistakes. It is not your fault that your parents put their careers before their own daughter, it's theirs. You didn't fuck up, they did"

Santana snaps her eyes up to stare at Hiram, people had the blamed her so often that the Latina isn't sure what to say now.

"We know you've had a rough time lately" Leroy picks up "And that there is probably a lot of stuff we don't know about but keeping everything bottled up is not healthy. Maybe it would be a good idea if you considered talking to someone, maybe Miss Pillsbury?"

Santana shakes her head as she looks down at the table, picking absentmindedly at the wood. It's not like she hasn't thought about it before, she knows that the woman is a damn good guidance councillor despite her meek exterior, it's just she's not sure she could make herself actually talk about her feelings to someone whose job it is to analysis them. What if she didn't like what she heard? Or worse what if Miss Pillsbury didn't like what she heard?

It's Rachel who speaks next, her voice soft as she looks at the other girl "It might be a good idea San. I know you feel like telling me, or us, everything is burdening someone else with your issues and even though I want to be the one you lean on, maybe it would be easier if it's someone outside of this family. It's can be easier to talk to a stranger about some things"

The Latina frowns as her mind races, "I…I guess I could try"

Everyone seems to nod in response and Santana is relieved when she sees Hiram and Leroy stand up to leave. As Leroy picks up the now empty mugs and loads them into the dishwasher Hiram smiles as the girls who also get up from the table.

The four head upstairs quietly, Santana can only imagine what time it must be and as the evening catches up with her she lets out a loud yawn rubbing her face as she realises how tired she is.

"Goodnight girls" Leroy says as he wraps Rachel in a tight hug, closely followed by Santana.

With a final goodnight the two girls slip into what has now become their shared room and as Rachel grabs her things and makes for the bathroom Santana quickly changes her clothes and waits for the diva to finish. In no time at all the two are lying side by side, the light from the bedside lamps casting a warm glow around them.

The diva's voice floats softly through the quiet "Why didn't you tell me San?"

The Latina sighs as she turns on her side to look at the smaller girl. She hates the heartbroken expression on her friends face, she knows Rachel is thinking of all the things she could have done to stop Santana cutting "It's not something I'm proud of, I didn't want anyone to know"

"I should have realised something was wrong"

Santana chuckles a little at this causing Rachel's eyes to snap in her direction, a worried look on her face "Rach, come on how could you ever know this was happening? No matter how much you'd like to believe it, you aren't psychic"

Rachel smiles at the sly dig.

"I'm sorry for freaking you out" Santana continues, "I should have called from the hospital or something…Coming home to a crime-scene bathroom must have been-"

"I thought she came back" Rachel whispers quickly, her eyes downcast as she fights back tears "I thought she'd hurt you and I wasn't around to protect you like I promised"

Santana feels her breath catch in her chest at the smaller girl's words, "Oh Rach…"

"It took a lot of convincing on Dad's part to stop me calling the police" the diva says "He saw Daddy's wallet and phone on the side and figured he must have come home first and…and that you were at the hospital. Then I…I thought you might have…"

Santana frowns as she waits for the singer to finish but as she trails off into silent sobs the Latina realises what she means "You thought I tried to kill myself"

Rachel nods, her voice shaking as she whispers "Did you? I know you said you didn't mean for it to be so bad but…"

Santana blinks as she processes the words "I swear you to Rachel, I didn't mean for it to go that far okay? You have to believe me"

Rachel manages to control her tears long enough to whisper "I don't want you to hurt yourself, I just…I wish I could make everything better again"

The child-like innocent in Rachel's statement makes the Latina smile as she reaches over brushes the singers hair behind her ear "You are making it better"

Rachel scoffs her eyes heavy as she whispers "If that was true, you wouldn't be cutting"

"Rach, if you weren't here…If you and your Dads hadn't taken me in, I know for a fact I would have done a lot worse to myself"

The smaller girl gazes up at her, her eyes wide as she blinks sadly. Her voice is almost impossible to hear as she exhales "I don't want to you to die"

"I don't want to either" Santana replies quickly, her breath catching in her throat as the words wash over her. She can hear the surprise in her own voice and it's almost amusing to see the bewildered look on her friends face as she repeats in a shocked tone "I don't want to die"

It's a strange thing for Santana to realise that, for a long time she wanted to die and even more bizarre to realise that somehow she has lost that longing. The drinking, the fighting, the cutting it had been about expressing the anger she couldn't seem to get out any other way but part of her had always wondered if deep down she wasn't tempting fate and hoping that one day she would push too hard.

But lying with Rachel she is stuck by the realisation that she wants to live, and that for the first time in a long time she has people in her life to live for and the burgeoning hope that she'll eventually be okay again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Santana smiles as she strolls down the mostly deserted hallway of McKinley High and makes her way to Glee rehearsal. It's been a strange week all in all; once the Latina agreed to speak to Miss Pillsbury it took a lot of encouragement from Rachel to actually get her to make an appointment. But eventually she takes the first step. She knows it's important, not just for her but for the Berry's also, that she tries to get some help.

At first however Santana wonders if it isn't just an incredible waste of time, the first session the two pretty much sit in an awkward silence, Miss Pillsbury asking a few simple questions and not pushing for answers when the cheerleader is quiet or evasive. Still Santana goes back the next day and the one after.

Soon enough the Latina finds herself baring her soul, or part of it at least. They don't talk about everything, there are still some things too raw for Santana to let out yet so at first she settles for focusing on her parents, shouting about how neglectful they are and how she wishes just once one of them would call her to ask how she is. There's a lot of crying and swearing but through all of it Miss Pillsbury is calm and understanding, she knows when to back off and when to push. She lets Santana rant and let off steam and she never judges or wavers.

It's not long before Santana feels comfortable enough to discuss the other problems weighing her down. She keeps Quinn's name out of it of course, she has to be careful not to slip up and reveal too much in case the guidance councillor somehow guesses so she chooses a fake name and creates a fake identity. Miss Pillsbury calls her on it straight away, but instead of pushing to reveal the actual identity she encourages her to use the fake name, as long as it helps Santana to talk about it then Miss Pillsbury reassures her it's okay.

And it feels good, really good, to just get everything out so today Santana actually allows herself to feel a glimmer of happiness. She doesn't fight the smile that's miraculously appeared and she hums under her breath as she wanders down the hallway.

Santana makes it to glee a little late, her session with Miss Pillsbury having run over today she knows she is the last one of arrive. Pushing through the door to the classroom, she throws Mr Shue a quick apology for her lateness, and interrupting, and takes her seat next to Rachel. She doesn't notice at first how tense the other girl is, but as her attention wavers from the teacher at the front of the class she casts a sideways glance at her friend.

Following Rachel's glare Santana notices for the first time that Quinn is there. It has been a while since the blonde attended any glee meetings, and Santana has been feigning injury to skip cheerio's, so the two have been managing to avoid each other for a while. Santana feels her chest tighten when she realises Quinn is staring at her, her expression unreadable, and she fears that the blonde has changed her mind about their truce.

It's Mr Shue's voice that cuts the Latina away from her thoughts, "Okay, so when I call your name come up and pick a name from the hat"

Santana rolls her eyes on reflex at the unimaginative and over-used tactic for picking singing partners but her distain is quickly replaced with panic when she realises she's going to actually have to work with someone other than Rachel. The past few weeks she somehow managed to stay hidden and she's not sure she's ready to change her new routine just yet.

As members of the club start to randomly pick their partners Santana feels her pulse quicken for a different reason, as more names are pulled from the hat she flicks her eyes from person to person seeing who is left.

"Okay…Rachel, your turn"

The diva blinks, her gaze turning to Santana briefly before she gets up and makes her way over to the piano. It's a torturously slow minute for Santana as the small girl pulls out a name and whispers dejectedly "Kurt"

No-one says anything, there are no snide comments about Rachel's lack of enthusiasm and Santana knows it's because they wanted her to get the Latina as her partner. Even though they never talk about it as a club Santana knows they have been looking out for her lately, and seeing how different she is now she has Rachel.

"So…Quinn, come on up!"

The blonde bits her lip before springing from her seat and making her way over to the hat, it seems to take just as long for Quinn to pick a name and Santana fidgets as she waits for the cheerleader to speak.

"Santana"

Santana's first impulse is to run, but she fights it and instead choses to stare at the ground in front of her shaking her head. She wants to argue but she can't think of a good enough excuse for not working with the other girl that isn't the truth. She's busy wracking her brain for reasons when she hears Rachel shouting "What? No, no-"

"It's not up to you Rachel" Mr Shue signs in his usual tone as he eyes the diva "The whole point is-"

The singer doesn't wait for him to finish "I don't care, it's a stupid system"

"That's enough" Mr Shue states firmly, "Now…Brittany, it's your turn"

The blonde bounces up from her seat and heads towards the front of the room. Santana takes the chance to glance in Quinn's direction, her stomach clenching uncomfortably as she tries to remain calm.

"You don't have to do this you know" Rachel whispers as she too eyes the blonde.

Santana sighs with a shake of her head "I know but I'm going to have to face her sooner or later, I can't keep avoiding her. It's exhausting; planning different ways to get to class, hiding in empty rooms, timing trips to the lunchroom…"

Rachel bites her lip nervously as she nods "Okay, but I don't like it. And if she so much as accidently steps on your foot I'm going to put her head through the piano"

"Noted" the Latina says with a smile.

When Mr Shue finally announces for them to pair up and start working on song choices Santana finds her legs more than a little unsteady as she traipses over to meet with Quinn. The blonde has chosen a spot in the corner of the choir room and while it's not Santana's first choice to be stuck so far away she knows she has little option but to go with it, besides she can feel Rachel's eyes boring into them from her position by the piano and that alone makes her feel a hundred times safer.

Lowering herself to the floor to sit opposite Quinn, with more than enough distance, the Latina keeps her eyes gazing blankly across the room. She can't bring herself to look at the other cheerleader as she mutters "Let's get this over with as quickly as possible okay? Do you have any ideas?"

"San…"

The blonde is quiet and Santana struggles to hear her over the array of noise filling the choir room, she is shocked at how tentative the other girl sounds. Finally turning to look at the blonde Santana registers for the first time how exhausted she looks. Her eyes are red and puffy and she has dark circles highlighted by her even paler than usual complexion.

When the Latina doesn't reply Quinn shifts restlessly, "I haven't seen you around lately"

Santana toys with the idea of lying but settles for a blunt response "I've been avoiding you, do you really blame me?"

The blonde shakes her head "No…I-I guess not"

The two lapse into an uncomfortable silence and Santana wishes she could think of an excuse to leave because it feels like there's a weight on her chest getting heavier and heavier by the second but her brain doesn't seem to want to co-ordinate with her body so she stays still.

"I lost control"

Quinn's words hang between them for an eternity before Santana replies angrily "You always had all of the control, you know that. How can you even-"

The blondes head snaps up at the bitter words, her eyes glazed with unshed tears she shakes her head "No I didn't mean…I lost control of everything. I used to be Quinn Fabray; head cheerleader, captain of the celibacy club everyone knew me, they looked up to me and…my life was perfect. I was exactly who I was supposed to be. Then one stupid mistake and it was over. I got pregnant and everything fell apart. My family disowned me; I lost Finn and Cheerio's…"

Santana swallows hard as she glares at the blonde "You think that's an excuse?"

But Quinn doesn't register her interruption as she ploughs on "I thought after Beth that I could get it all back, I could be Quinn Fabray again but it was gone, everything I worked for was gone and I couldn't get it back. I used to rule this school, I had power and…then it disappeared and I wanted it back"

"You got head cheerleader again, or did you forget the fact you stabbed me in the back to get it?" Santana snapped, her fist clenching at her side.

"It wasn't the same though, it was like, like my life wasn't my own anymore and I…I took it out on you. I needed to be in control again, to have power and I…I never meant to hurt you"

"But you did" Santana snaps, her heart pounding in her chest as her voice drops to a pained whisper "You did more than hurt me Quinn, you abused me and humiliated me and why? To make yourself feel better?"

"No, it wasn't-"

"That's how it sounds" the Latina interrupts, not willing to listen to the blondes pleas "You took advantage of me when you knew, you fucking knew, how broken I was already and you tore me apart piece by piece until there was nothing left"

The blonde allows the sobs wrack her body "I know, I know I'm a monster and I can't take back any of what I've done but…"

"But what?"

"I'm terrified" the blonde whispers, her eyes wide as she stares at the Latina.

Santana wants to lash out but instead grits her teeth "You're terrified? Of what? That I'll tell someone about what happened, that you'll get punished for doing the things you did-"

"No" Quinn cries "I deserve everything that's coming to me…I'm not scared of that but, I don't even know who I am anymore or what I'm capable of. I lost control and…I…I'm terrified of myself"

Santana frowns as the blonde continues to cry, her chest tightens as conflicting emotions course through her. Her brain struggles to keep up with the situation and the words are out of her mouth before she can stop them "What do you want me to say Quinn? I can't comfort you, I can't make this better. You terrified me for months, do you really expect me to sit here and feel bad for you?"

The blonde shakes her head as her tears subside "No, of course not. I-I just need you to know that I'm…I'm sorry, and I know that it isn't enough and I don't expect you to forgive me but I had to talk to you. I had to let you know that I never meant for things to get so bad and… I- I understand if you want to go to the police"

"The police?"

"I deserve it" Quinn replies with a shrug.

Santana can't help but nod as she frowns, her mind having trouble linking the Quinn sitting in front of her to the monster she is more familiar with "I'm not going to the police"

"You're not?" Quinn asks sceptically, "You should"

"Maybe" the brunette agrees, her eyes boring into the blondes "But I think you're going to punish yourself more than anyone else ever could"

Quinn nods sadly as tears continue to fall down her cheeks "It'll never be enough, I have to live with the knowledge that I…I did those things to you and I can never take any of it back. I wish I could but I can't"

Santana blinks as she takes in Quinn's words. Seeing the blonde in front of her gives the Latina a strange sense of satisfaction. It feels good to see her broken for once. Santana knows she can't forgive Quinn, but she also knows that Quinn will have a harder time forgiving herself, and there's safety in knowing the blonde has seen the fucked-up relationship they had for what it was; dark, twisted and brutal.

"I'm quitting the cheerio's" Santana says suddenly, her eyes downcast as she hears Quinn protest "I'm not doing it because of you, well not entirely anyway, there's a lot of reasons but mostly…I'm not that person anymore and I don't think I can go back to how things were. I was never happy on the squad, I never felt like me, but I think…I think that I could be happy now, with glee and Rachel"

Quinn nods a sad smile on her face "I thought…I'm thinking about quitting glee club. I don't think I can be here anymore, I don't think I belong here"

Santana stays quiet; she'd be lying if she said it wasn't a relief to hear those words. The thought of facing Quinn at every meeting and rehearsal makes her stomach churn but she doesn't want to be the reason Quinn quits, if only because it will raise a whole heap of questions from the group. Part of her actually wants the blonde to stay, she wants to prove to the other girl how much stronger she is now and that she isn't afraid anymore but Santana knows it's a lot to ask of herself and she really isn't sure how long Rachel would be able to go without attacking the blonde "That's your decision to make Quinn but either way, whatever happens I won't ever be ready to forgive or forget what happened. I don't want to be around you because it hurts too much"

Quinn stares at the Latina, blinking back the shame filled tears she stays quiet.

"And I swear to god, if you ever come near me again I will make you sorry that we ever met" Santana growls fiercely, the spark of anger blazing from her making the Latina feel a long-lost surge of strength.

The blonde swallows hard as she nods but Santana doesn't hang around to see it, standing quickly she makes her way over to Mr Shue who tears his attention away from Mercedes and Puck to look up apprehensively.

"Quinn and I can't work together" the brunette says calmly, her hands tucked into her jeans to hide the way her hands have begun to tremble as relief floods over her.

"Now Santana I said it before and I'll say it again-"

"Actually…" the blonde butts in from her place on the floor "I'm not feeling so well, I think I'm going to go to the nurse"

Mr Shue flicks his gaze between the two cheerleaders "If you're sure Quinn…"

The blonde doesn't wait for him to finish, instead she bolts up from the floor and gathers her things. As she leaves the room she throws one last look at the Latina, her eyes heavy with regret as she offers a small nod of farewell.

When Santana and Rachel get back to the Berry residence the Latina can feel the tension building between them, the diva has managed to stay quiet for most of the journey home but Santana knows she is desperate to ask about what happened between her and Quinn she is just worried about pushing too hard.

They are in the kitchen when Rachel's resolve finally breaks "What the hell happened back there?"

It's actually a lot less shrill than the Latina imagined and she smiles as she gestures for the smaller girl to take a seat at the table with her. Clutching a glass of water Santana rolls her eyes to the ceiling, she's not sure how to explain it all to the other girl. She already knows, or can at least predict what her friend is going to say – that she should be going to the police rather than letting the blonde get away with her actions – and she's not sure how to get her thoughts across properly.

"She said she was sorry"

"Sorry? She said she was sorry?" Rachel yells in the shrill tone Santana had been expecting "Is that supposed to make everything better? Little Miss Perfect is sorry so we should all just forget and move on?"

"No" Santana barks, a little more angrily than she intended. Seeing the look of hurt on her friends face the Latina tries to calm herself down as she continues "Rach, look…I will never forget, or forgive her, for what happened and she knows that but…I can't keep doing this. I can't keep burying myself in everything that happened. I want to move on and I can't do that if I'm still stuck thinking about her"

"Her apologising means you're not afraid anymore?" the singer asks sceptically, her eyebrows creased together in confusion as she tries to understand.

"Well…yeah, I guess it does a little bit…I've seen a lot of different sides to Quinn, most of which I wish I could forget but the girl back there, the girl telling me she was sorry is not a Quinn I'm afraid off"

Rachel stares at her silently.

"I know it doesn't make much sense to you, and a part of me is grateful because I know you want to protect me and I've never- I've never had that from anyone before" the Latina continues, her throat tightening at the admission "But if Quinn has come to a point where she can actually be sorry and admit to the things she has done then I don't see how getting anyone else involved is going to help either of us"

"It would keep her away from you" the smaller girl seethes as she clenches her fists, the thought of the blonde being anywhere near Santana clearly making her blood boil.

"I know that but-"

"But what? From where I'm standing it all looks pretty simple" Rachel continues a desperate edge to her voice as she leans forward anxiously.

Santana sighs softly, "If I tell the cops and Quinn gets punished…and she goes to jail or whatever. What does that prove?"

"That it's where she belongs" Rachel growls at the rhetorical question.

Ignoring the interrupted Santana carries on "The only thing I would ever want from that scenario is that Quinn finally sees our relationship for what it was and is sorry for it. Punishment means nothing without repentance behind it. She could be fined thousands of dollars, spend her life behind bars…it wouldn't mean anything to me if she still felt the same way at the end"

"And you think she regrets what happened? That she's truly sorry?"

"I do" the Latina responds with a gentle nod of her head "And if I know Quinn is already at a point where she can admit what happened was wrong then to me it makes no difference whether the law get involved"

Rachel is quiet for a moment as she takes everything in, her eyes flick down to the table as she whispers "How can you be sure she's not lying? She could be telling you what you want to hear so you don't go to the police; we both know how manipulative she can be"

"I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind" Santana admits "But I told her, if she tries anything again, if I even doubt for a second that she's sorry then I will make her sorry"

Rachel finally smiles at this, her body relaxing as she embraces the strength behind the words. It feels good to see flickers of the old, fierce Santana back.

**A/N – So hopefully I did the Quinn angle some justice. I wanted to play more on the idea of her losing everything and struggling to get her life back post-Beth. A lot of the earlier Quintana scenes were more about power than anything else and while I did throw in some hints of attraction, in the end I felt more strongly about focusing on Quinn's issues of control than her (pretty evident) repressed lesbianism. **

**As always thoughts/comments are welcome. I have another three chapters planned out, and they will move on to see where PezBerry end up.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Santana chuckles as she watches Rachel gesture wildly to her Dad as they sit around the table in the kitchen. It's Hiram's birthday and the Berry's are following their annual tradition of take-out and trips down memory lane. The Latina has to laugh as she watches Hiram recount the time his daughter tried to sneak backstage at a theatre in London on one of the families trips to see the latest musical. Of course Rachel is adamantly denying a lot of the details, but Santana is pretty sure Hiram is enjoying exaggerating his story solely for the purpose of playfully winding up his little girl.

"That is so not true!" the diva shrieks, her eyes bulging as she shakes her head in embarrassment "Daddy, tell him."

Santana laughs as Leroy is unwillingly dragged into the middle of the debate; he throws the cheerleader a helpless look before announcing that it's time for champagne. That seems to quiet down the discussion and the Latina smiles as she takes a glass from the older man.

After both girls repeatedly acknowledge that it is a 'special occasion drink' the family raise a toast, their glasses clinking together before they slip back into casual conversation.

It's not long before Santana finds herself sunk down on the couch with Rachel as they watch Hiram and Leroy heading out. The two men grin as they say their goodbyes, making sure to go over emergency contacts one more time.

"We'll be fine, go have a good time." Rachel says as she rolls her eyes and urges them out the door "It's your birthday, have fun!"

The house is comfortably quiet after the two parents have gone and Santana smiles as she watches Rachel flick the television on to a cheesy late night movie. They sit close together, each draining the last of their champagne as they giggle at the terrible acting and even worse special effects.

Santana yawns as she stretches out against the couch, her arms resting across the back of the seat she smiles when Rachel snuggles into her. It's a routine for them now, whether they are watching tv or sleeping, or simply sitting, they naturally seem to gravitate together. Santana has noticed lately that when the smaller girl isn't near her she can't seem to relax.

Rachel makes a flippant joke about one the actors and Santana can only giggle as she stares at the other girl. Neither is sure who makes the first move, but aided with a little Dutch courage they are soon leaning close together.

When their lips meet for the first time Santana swears she feels a jolt pass through her, but it's gone before she can think too much about it and then all there is, is Rachel. The kiss is gentle and slow, and all to soon Rachel is pulling back.

"Santana, what-"

And then reality hits the Latina hard, her heart racing in her chest as she realises what she has done. Pushing herself back quickly she stumbles over her words, her eyes flicking from the confused face in front of her to the floor and back again "Fuck. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

She doesn't finish her incoherent sentence though; instead she pushes herself up off the couch and away from the smaller girl as quickly as she can, her mind already screaming at her for her stupidity. Santana doesn't stop to say anything else, she's too ashamed already, so she chooses to ignore the tears that have sprung up from nowhere and heads straight to the door. It's cold out, and the rational part of her rain begs her to at least get a jacket, but she's outside before logic can kick in.

Shivering the Latina wraps her arms around herself to try and conserve some heat as she takes off down the street, though she knows she doesn't have anywhere to go. It takes her a few steps to realises someone is shouting her name behind her.

"Santana, Santana…stop! Please!"

She doesn't of course, if anything she picks up her pace a little not ready to deal with the consequences of her actions she prays Rachel will give up. The steady sound of her feet pounding against the pavement drives the Latina on but she's soon stopped as Rachel somehow manoeuvres herself into the cheerio's path.

"Santana, where are you going?"

The fact the diva sounds more upset than angry makes Santana stop, looking up she sees the worry on the other girls face "I'm just…I'm going okay. I'm sorry I….I didn't mean to fucking ruin everything-"

"You didn't."

Santana laughs bitterly as she pushes her way past the smaller girl "Of course I did Rachel. It's what I do. I take something that is perfect and I find a way to fuck it up."

Rachel spins around and follows the cheerleader, placing a gentle hand on her arm she stops the Latina "You didn't fuck this up."

"I kissed you" Santana shouts angrily "Which is so far beyond stupid that I can't even begin to think about it."

"Kissing me is stupid?" Rachel asks with a frown.

"What? No-"

"Because I'm pretty sure I kissed you back and it didn't feel stupid."

"I-" Santana stops, her eyes wide "Wait, what?"

"I said, I kissed you back." the diva answers shyly as she stakes a step forward.

Santana frowns as her mind begins to race, "You don't have to humour me, I know I shouldn't have done it-"

"I'm glad you did." Rachel interrupts as she reaches down to clasp one of Santana's hands "I've been wanting to do it for a while but I…I didn't know if you felt the same way and after everything you've been through I didn't want to push you."

"I don't understand." Santana whispers, her confusion evident "You wanted me to kiss you?"

Rachel grins and nods, her smile soon dissipates though when the Latina snatches her hand away "What's wrong?"

"You…you can't like me." the Latina states, her face blank as she tries to hide the pain.

"It's not really something I can control." Rachel replies softly "Besides, why shouldn't I like you?"

Santana feels all of her insecurities rise to the surface as she looks at the smaller girl. It's a simple question but the Latina is terrified of the way a multitude of reasons come flashing quickly into her mind, the self-confidence she has been slowly building begins to dissipate "Why? Well, off the top of my head how about the fact that I'm a complete fucking mess? Being with me would only drag you down."

"We've spent every day together for the last…however long and as far as I'm aware I haven't been dragged anywhere." Rachel argues, as she reaches out to grasp one of the Latina's hands "I've seen you at your worst Santana, literally and figuratively and I stayed by you because I wanted to, because I knew that underneath all the walls you put up that you are an incredible person. I never thought you were a mess, I thought you were strong, loyal…and I want to be the one to make you see how good things could be again."

Santana shakes her head as she holds back tears, her voice is quiet as she mumbles "I don't want to lose you…what if it doesn't work between us? You're the best thing in my life and I can't lose that…"

"You won't lose me." the singer states firmly "I promise you that, we have a chance to take a great thing and make it even better and I truly believe that this is the right thing. But if you don't, if you don't want this…then we can forget this happened and carry on as we are."

Santana frowns as she feels her heart clench at the words, and she realises for the first time how horrible it sounds to pretend none of this happened. Looking up at tear-filled eyes she shakes her head "I don't want to forget…"

As her words drift off into a peaceful calm Santana takes a step forward, reaching up she cups Rachel's cheek gently and brings their foreheads to rest together. Even with her eyes closed she knows that Rachel is smiling and as she brings their lips together for the second time the Latina lets out a contented sigh.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Santana yawns as she shrugs off her jacket and tosses it over the back of the couch next to Rachel's, kicking off her shoes the Latina makes her way to the kitchen. It's been three months since her first kiss with Rachel and because she loves to cater to her girlfriends romantic side Santana has spent the evening being the perfect, attentive girl to celebrate their anniversary. Sure, three months doesn't sound like a lot and granted it probably isn't a big land-mark to celebrate normally but for the two girls every moment was something worth celebrating.

Grabbing a couple of glasses from the cupboard and some juice from the fridge Santana makes her way upstairs, having taken Rachel to dinner the two had decided to take advantage of the empty house by curling up and watching a film. Santana could only hope that since she had opted to take Rachel to a restaurant other than her beloved BreadSticks then there might be a chance they could watch something that isn't Les Miserables. Not that she really minded, in fact having spent so much time with the other girl Santana has been almost won over by the musical genre. Not that she would ever admit it.

"Okay." Rachel beams as the Latina enters the room and plonks herself down on the bed "I narrowed it down to two choices; Rent or Inception."

Laughing at the way Rachel jiggles the DVD cases in her direction Santana hesitates for a second before making the final choice "Rent."

The diva lets out a tiny cheer before loading the disc and Santana can only let out a contented sigh because she knows she is completely whipped and she just doesn't care, beside Rent is kind of badass for a musical and she'd even sit through Les Mis for the hundredth time if it made her girl happy.

The opening credits have barely rolled, the strains of the first song still playing in the background, when Rachel leans over to draw Santana into a deep kiss. Manoeuvring herself on top of the Latina she reaches up to cup her girlfriends cheek as she whispers "I love you."

"I love you too." Santana replies, her chest pounding as she wraps her arms around her girlfriend. It's not the first time they have said those words, nor is it the first time they've made-out on the divas bed like this but something about this time feels different and as Rachel's hand drifts under her shirt something in Santana's brain clicks.

Santana can feel her chest begin to tighten as the singer pulls back to place a delicate kiss against her cheek "Are you okay?"

The Latina nods, she can tell by Rachel's tone that she is concerned but she brushes it off. After all, it's their first time together so there's bound to be some nerves right? Willing her body to relax Santana pulls the other girl closer, drawing their lips together again.

The second time Rachel's hand slips under her shirt the Latina manages not to tense up and as the singers fingers dance their way up her chest and over her breast she fights to keep her breathing even as her heart pounds manically. Her own hands spring into action as she reaches out to pull Rachel's shirt off, trying to focus her brain on anything other than the thoughts swelling in her brain Santana pulls away to place alight trail of kiss across the other girls collarbone hoping this will keep her attention in this moment rather than the past.

Rachel shifts slightly as she pulls back to gaze down at her girlfriend, biting her lip the singer whispers "Are you sure?"

Santana can only nod, not trusting her voice to keep up the relaxed persona she is adopting.

"We can stop if you want." Rachel adds softly, her head tilting to the side as she searches her girlfriends face for any hesitation.

"I want to be with you." Santana manages, happy that her voice doesn't crack.

Leaning down Rachel draws their lips together briefly "Okay…but if you want to stop, just tell me-"

Santana bites her tongue as her brain urges her to be honest with her girlfriend, instead she reaches up and pulls the other girl closer, encouraging her to continue. She doesn't want Rachel to think she's still afraid.

The pace is slow and calm, or at least it is for the smaller of the two girls, Rachel seems almost entranced as she dots tiny kisses against the tan skin of her girlfriend. But all Santana can focus on is the panic welling up inside of her. She's so distracted by the fear that her body seems to move of its own accord, her brain in a silent battle with itself as she allows Rachel to strip her of her jeans until they are both clad only in their underwear.

As Rachel's hand trials its way down her stomach and across her hips Santana tries desperately to relax and she knows she is doing a good job of appearing fine but the way the blood is rushing around her body she knows she won't be able to keep up the façade much longer. Clenching her eyes shut tightly the Latina whimpers as she feels Rachel's hand reach down between her legs, her hand has barely made any contact at all before the fear rips through her body finally overcoming her resolve as Quinn's face, contorted with anger swims before her eyes.

"Rach, stop…please, stop." Santana cries as she scrambles up from underneath her girlfriend.

Immediately Rachel pulls herself off but not quickly enough as in full panic mode Santana raises her hands to shove her away "It's okay San-"

But Santana hears none of her girlfriend's words as she bolts up from the bed and throws herself across the room and into the corner. She can feel her body trembling as she sinks to the floor and pulls her knees to her chest, her arms wrapping around them as she feels tears begin to fall.

Rachel is by her side in an instant, kneeling on the ground in front of her the singer tries to make eye contact "San, look at me please."

"I'm sorry…" Santana mumbles as she looks up, her eyes filled with shame.

"Don't be sorry sweetie, it's okay." Rachel replies as she reaches out to hold one of the Latina's hands, a flash of hurt ripping through her when the other girl flinches at the touch and pulls away momentarily before clasping their hands together "I'm the one who should be sorry, I should've have-"

"No, it's not your fault. I wanted to, I mean I-I want to" Santana sighs, her anxiety subsiding as embarrassment takes over combined with the nagging guilt that her girlfriend would ever blame herself for something which was clearly not her fault.

"You don't have to explain."

"Of course I do." Santana half-yells "I pushed you away…I…you deserve so much better than this Rach. You're beautiful and perfect; you shouldn't have to deal with this shit. God, what the hell is wrong with me?"

Rachel shakes her head, a faint smile on her face "I love you Santana, and it's okay for you to be freaked out about this, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you and I'm not going to run away when things take a little work, you should know that by now."

"But it doesn't make sense." the Latina growls, balling her fists against her leg.

"After everything that has happened it's okay for you to feel this way." Rachel replies "We can take things slowly, we don't have to rush it we have all the time in the world."

Rachel's soothing words do nothing to calm the other girl as she whips her head up, her eyes dulled with pain "I don't want to take things slow Rach, I don't want…I-I don't-"

Reaching out to wipe away a stray tears Rachel asks "You don't what?"

"I don't want her touch to be the last thing on me." Santana cries as she wraps her arms around her girlfriend and burrows into the embrace.

"Oh sweetie." Rachel whispers her own heart aching in her chest as she too begins to cry "You shouldn't-"

Rachel finds herself cut off as her girlfriend pulls back from the hug and quickly draws her into a deep kiss, caught by surprise the diva takes a few second to process what is happening as Santana grabs one of Rachel's hands and thrusts it downward, her body jerking stiffly as she fights her own reactions "Please Rach, just do it. I don't care. Please."

Both girls know the words are a lie, Santana can feel her body recoiling because she knows she does care, she wants her first time with Rachel to be special but at the same time she just wants it to be over, for the memory of Quinn to be erased and replaced with Rachel's soft touch, although the way Santana is pushing the other girl's hand downward is anything but the soft, gentle approach she wants.

Rachel reacts quickly now, it doesn't take much to get Santana to let go of her hand and bringing it back up she rests it against her girlfriends chest. Feeling the way the Latina's heart is hammering against her hand the singer looks up, her eyes sad as she meets her girlfriend's desperate gaze.

"Santana. No. This isn't going to help and you know it." Rachel begins, her tone gentle as she tries to help "When we make love it should be because we both want to and because we are both ready. You shouldn't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with and I know that you don't want it to happen like this."

Santana nods, a sob catching in her throat as she stares at her girlfriend "I'm sorry I didn't mean…"

"Stop apologising." Rachel whispers as she pulls herself to her feet and reaches out a hand to her girlfriend "Now come on, it's getting cold."

Carefully Rachel guides the other girl back over to the bed, grabbing a pair of sweats she tosses them over before pulling her own on and crawling under the covers. As she watches Santana quickly put on her pair and slide in next to her the singer smiles sadly. She can see the pain etched on the Latina's face and she can tell that the other girl is embarrassed as she awkwardly lies down and rolls away to face the wall.

Slowly moving across the bed Rachel turns to spoon the taller girl, her arm tentatively brushing dark hair behind the Latina's ear the singer sighs as she sees the tears falling silently down the girls cheeks.

"I've been thinking about it for a while now, y'know…what it would be like, our first time together." Santana says suddenly, her voice hoarse as she holds back a sob "And honestly, I didn't think I would freak out like this because I…I want to be with you. I trust you and I know that you aren't going to hurt me, so why is this so fucking hard?"

Rachel frowns as she moves to wrap her body closely around her girlfriends, their bodies spooned together as Rachel moves her arm to cuddle around the Latina's waist. Smiling as the other girl links their hands together she replies "I guess, it's not as easy to do something as it is to think about it."

"She's always going to be there, isn't she?" Santana asks sadly, her shoulders sagging with the realisation.

"Not always." Rachel argues "It'll take time but eventually those memories will fade and it won't hurt so much anymore."

Turning in her girlfriends arms Santana finds herself face-to-face with the smaller girl "I hope so."

Placing a gentle kiss on her girlfriend's forehead Rachel smiles "And you know I'll be with you every step of the way."

Santana stays quiet as she stares at the smaller girl huddled against her, she doesn't need to say anything to let the other girl know how grateful she is, and truthfully the Latina isn't sure she can ever express how much it means to her to have Rachel's love and support. Sighing gently as the diva snuggles herself against her chest Santana allows the tension to flow from her body, she's still amazed at how the other girl always seems to know exactly the right things to say or do to make her feel like maybe, one day she won't feel broken anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N - Okay, so this is the final chapter for this story. Massive thanks to everyone who has followed this through. This will probably be the darkest thing I ever write, but I'm really proud of how it turned out. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

It's drawing to the end of the school year when New Directions secure their first place victory at Regionals. Santana can barely believe it when their name is read out, she's not alone either, as the teenagers all seem to take a second for the news to sink in before exploding in a mass of cheering and shouting. It's pretty much chaos as Mr Schue takes the trophy and the group crowd around him celebrating their triumph.

The celebrations continue into the night as the glee club returns to their hotel and spend the evening discussing and re-living their performance and its gone midnight when Santana finally manages to get her girlfriend alone, the singer having been flanked for most of the night by a very proud teacher.

"You were incredible." the Latina whispers as she pulls her girlfriend to one side, taking advantage as Finn distracts Mr Schue.

Rachel grins as she takes a step forward "You were pretty incredible yourself."

Santana chuckles as she casts a quick glance around the room taking in the signs of the evening beginning to wind down "Do you wanna get out of here?"

"I thought you'd never ask." the singer replies dramatically, giggling as the other girl claps her hands together excitedly.

The two make a hurried exit, desperate not to get cornered by any fellow glee clubbers they make a swift beeline for the room they are sharing together. As the door clicks shut behind them both girls let out a sigh of relief, glad to finally be alone together again.

Tumbling back onto the two single beds they had pushed together earlier, the Latina kicks off her shoes and gently pats the duvet next to her. It doesn't take any more encouragement for Rachel to collapse down next to her.

"Today was perfect." Rachel mumbles as she turns to look at her girlfriend.

"It really was." Santana replies with a goofy smile as she turns to stare at the other girl.

Kicking off her shoes the singer stretches her arms above her head "I can't wait for Nationals, we're going to blow the other schools away, with the right set list of course."

Santana grins as Rachel continues into an animated rant about the benefits of a themed set list versus mash-ups versus genre specific versus something else. The truth is the Latina kind of lost track of the words a while back, her thoughts focusing more on the incredible girl rambling them than the actual meaning. It's not that she isn't interested, more that her brain can't seem to get past the fact the Rachel is doing a pretty unbeatable job of being perfect right now.

Before Santana can think anymore she rolls herself over, her body now lying half on top of her girlfriend she cuts her off with a gentle kiss.

"Are you trying to shut me up?" Rachel asks playfully, in-between kisses.

Santana just shakes her head as she moves her lips down to place a trail of kisses down the other girl's neck, reaching her pulse point she nips teasingly, enjoying the gasp of pleasure her actions receive. As Rachel's hands reach out to wrap around her body the Latina sighs, her hands now busy roaming under the singer's shirt, she reveals in the feeling of their bodies pushed flush together before deciding they are both wearing way to many clothes.

Moving her hand back out from where it had been tracing delicate patterns over toned abs Santana reaches up to slowly unbutton Rachel's shirt, her movements are soon stopped as the singers curls her own hand around the Latina's "Wait, San…we don't have to-"

"I want to." Santana replies, her eyes locking with her girlfriends as she continues to undo her shirt her voice shaking as she whispers "Okay?"

"Okay." Rachel nods as she frees herself of her shirt "But it you want to stop, just say alright?"

Santana nods, a smile playing on her face as she takes in the sight of her girlfriend lying beneath her. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest as she quickly strips herself of her own shirt before lowering herself on top of the singer and drawing her into a deep kiss.

As their tongues duel Santana runs her hand over toned abs, eventually lingering over Rachel's breast. Feeling the singer shift beneath her Santana laughs as she quickly rids the girl of her bra. She can feel the other girl becoming restless but the Latina continues her teasing as she slowly dips her head down and takes a nipple in her mouth, her hand reaching out to lavish attention on the other.

The sound of Rachel gasping spurs the Latina on and she reaches down to unbutton the girls skirt and ease it down and off her legs her eyes drinking in the sight of smooth, tanned legs that seem to perfect to be true. Repositioning herself Santana hovers above the smaller girl, with one hand holding her weight she uses the other to sweep the loose hair covering her girlfriends face back over her ear, leaning down she whispers "I love you."

"I love you too." Rachel replies gazing up lovingly.

It's all the encouragement Santana needs to continue and reaching down she slowly slides her hand under the waistband of Rachel's underwear and removes them. Seeing her girlfriend laying naked in front of her Santana realises she is still mostly clothed, quickly kicking off her own jeans she tries to ignore the quick flash of nerves that courses through her body at the thought of being naked in front of someone again. She can feel her hands starting to shake and pauses as she feels Rachel reach up to cup her cheek.

"I'm okay." Santana whispers, a smile tugging at her lips when she realises it's actually true "I'm okay."

Rachel nods and pulls her girlfriend down into another kiss, and Santana gladly allows herself to become lost in the smaller brunette. Reaching her hand down she traces her fingertips over Rachel's stomach before settling between her legs, as her hand gradually teases its way to the singers core Santana reveals in the way Rachel arches into her touch. As her hand reaches its destination the Latina gasps, feeling the wetness that is waiting for her she eases a finger through her slit and quickly settles into a slow rhythm as she circles Rachel's clit enjoying the moans coming from her girlfriend.

"San…please, I need-"

Rachel doesn't need to finish her sentence, as her hips buck against the Latina's hand she lowers her fingers and hovers at her entrance. Santana pulls back slightly her eyes seeking permission once more before slowly pushing inside her girlfriend.

"Oh god." Rachel groans as she arches her back to meet the touch.

Santana watches entranced as she quickens her thrusts and Rachel allows herself to become lost in the building pleasure. Adding a second finger Santana feels herself groan as she curls her fingers and she uses her thumb to flick at Rachel's clit. She knows her girlfriend is close when she reaches one hand above her head to grip tightly at the headboard, her other hand wrapping around Santana as she wills their bodies closer.

As Rachel's orgasm roars through her body, her back arches and Santana groans as the smaller girl screams her name, her body shaking as the Latina gradually brings her down from her high. Slumping back on the bed Rachel pulls Santana down on to the bed next to her, her breath coming in short pants as she grins broadly.

The two are quiet for a moment before Rachel turns to face her girlfriend "You are amazing."

Santana smiles as she places a quick kiss to the singers temple, as she pulls back Rachel places her own kiss on the Latina's cheek before reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Pausing slightly the singer leans in and draws their lips together again, it's brief but Santana sighs contently because she knows it's Rachel's way of giving her the option to stop or continue.

Wrapping her arms around her girlfriend Santana pulls her closer until they are laying side by side, their bodies entangled together. She feels her body tense as Rachel moves to roll them over, but the gentle way the singer hovers above her is enough to relax Santana as she lets her girlfriend move on top of her.

As Rachel slowly reaches out to unclasp her bra Santana feels her hesitate, with a smile the cheerleader decides to take the initiative and quickly removes the item herself. Her boldness falters for a second as she watches Rachel watching her, the way the singers eyes wash over her is nothing short of in-awe but Santana still finds herself shrinking under the gaze her own thoughts plagued more by thoughts of scars and beatings which seem to be ingrained on her skin.

"You're beautiful." Rachel sighs, more to herself than the other girl and it's all it takes for Santana to relax as the other girl dips her head to place a kisses against her collarbone.

Rachel moves slowly, taking her time to familiarise herself with the contours of her girlfriends body as her hands move across tan skin. Santana moans loudly as her girlfriend pulls her into a deep kiss her hand starting to drop further downwards and over her hip. The singer's hand pauses as she reaches the waistband and pulling away slightly she locks eyes with the Latina before gently removing the last remaining item of clothing.

Santana gasps, her breath catching in her throat as Rachel trails her hand along the inside of her thigh and up towards her centre. She feels herself tense for a moment, her eyes squeezing shut as she wills herself to relax.

Opening her eyes she sees Rachel looking down at her, the hand that had been caressing her thigh is still now as the singer waits. Before Rachel can say anything Santana reaches out her hand and places it against the singers cheek to calm herself. As she feels her body relax Santana smiles and bits her lip, giving a small nod for her girlfriend to continue.

Keeping their eyes locked Rachel moves her hand once more, this time running her hand up to cup the Latina's core pausing once again before sliding her finger through her girlfriend's slit. Mimicking Santana's earlier actions she sets a steady pace as she teases the Latina's clit, enjoying the way the other girl is melting into her touch.

Soon enough Santana finds herself panting as she grinds her hips against Rachel's fingers, seeking her release. The singer groans as she leans down to capture one of the Latina's nipples in her mouth as her hand ceases it's movements and drops lower. Trailing her tongue up Santana's chest and latching into her ear lobe Rachel lingers for a second, still wanting to make sure the Latina is okay and that she isn't crossing any boundaries.

As Santana moans at the loss of contact Rachel smiles and she slowly enters her girlfriend for the first time, letting out her own groan of pleasure as she pushes inside.

Santana feels her hips jerk as she adjusts to the feeling of the singer inside of her, whilst her mind panics for a second it is quickly gone as the singer places a gentle kiss to her temple instantly melting away any tension she has. As Rachel gradually increases her pace Santana allows the pleasure to sweep through her body, her toes clenching as the diva hits a particularly sensitive spot.

"Oh Rach." Santana grunts as she wraps her arms around her girlfriend drawing her close.

She can feel her orgasm building and it's not long before her climax hits her hard, her body arching against the smaller frame on top of her as she screams Rachel's name. The singer continues her thrusts, drawing out every last second of the orgasm before delicately removing her fingers and dropping down next to her girlfriend on the bed.

Santana is speechless as she lays still, her heart thumping wildly in her chest she tries to catch her breath. She doesn't even notice the tears that are falling silently until Rachel's worried voice cuts through the quiet of the room.

"Baby, are you okay?" the singer whispers as she reaches over to brush away the tears "I didn't hurt you did I? I didn't-"

Santana shakes her head, turning to face her girlfriend she catches one her the hands and holds it to her face "I'm fine…I…it was perfect, everything was perfect."

"Then why are you crying?" the singer asks, the panic subsiding in her voice as she looks on in confusion.

"It's okay. I'm okay." the Latina replies with an honest smile "They're happy tears, I promise."

Rachel smiles as she leans in and kisses away another tear, before pressing her lips against the Latinas – her own eyes watering slightly as she pulls away.

Shuffling back and under the covers the two girls huddle together, Santana's head resting against Rachel's chest as she listens to the steady beat of the other girls heart. She's not sure how things got to be so perfect but Santana is sure as hell not going to question it.

It seems strange to Santana that she could be so broken and yet Rachel knew exactly how to fix her.

The first few weeks together Santana all but cried when Rachel would try to compliment her, but Rachel never got angry or frustrated – even when the Latina accused her of lying and saying she was beautiful when all she felt was ugly – the singer just carried on. There were no fake compliments forced to try and re-build her self-esteem by constantly bombarding her with thoughtless crap. She has always been honest and genuine and the first time Santana is able to smile and say thank you instead of flinching when the diva says she looks incredible, they both know in some way that Santana will be okay again one day.


End file.
